My 2018 Diary

1/8/18

     So I didn't write yesterday. Didn't really see a point. I've spent yesterday and today playing fallout and watching Black mirror. It's been a great couple days off.

     Good news I have been eating healthy now for five days. I've been eating a lot more veggies and a lot less junk. I'm down 6 pounds! I know it's mostly water weight but I don't care I'm just glad to see the numbers going down. It's been a struggle though I'm hungry all the fricken time. Like right now I am so hungry I don't really want to move. I know once my body gets used to operating on less calories and different food It will get better. I'm trying so hard to loose weight. I just want to feel pretty again. Which brings me to a story of why I don't.

     So when zach and I first started dating I was around 135. I had lost a lot of weight and I was happy. I was confident too. Well over time I started to get bigger. I started college (more like the freshmen 30) and we started eating out everyday if not twice a day. So I gained more and more weight. He of course stayed the same super skinny size. He would make comments as we walked by bigger people in stores or on the street. The bigger I got the more I started to feel ugly to him. He makes fun of fat people including my own family. It's really hurtful. I know he thinks I'm fat he's said it a few times. It makes me feel awful somedays I don't even want to leave my house because I just keep thinking that some skinny person will make comments about me. So the goal is too loose all this weight again and get super hot then dump his ass. He deserves it for thinking I'm fat and ugly.