Sweet Caroline (Corey Crawford)

Sorry Not Sorry

Caroline

The morning of New Year's Day I woke up a mess. I wasn't planning on drinking that much or being so emotional but who actually plans for that stuff?

I got up early asking myself what I did last night, and when I remembered what happened it didn't make me feel much better. I remember how I felt and I wish that was enough to convince me what I did last night was okay, but it wasn't. I take some ibuprofen that will help the headache but not the regret. I don't have pills for that. I take a shower but it didn't help much either. I change into comfy clothes and a baseball cap and head out for the day. Long before I got plastered on New Year's Eve I had plans to volunteer for a soup kitchen on New Year's Day and I promised myself I had to go no matter what, so I did.

I get there early and find the event coordinator. She tells me what I needed to do and I slip a cap on and a apron and get to work. I start to hand out food to the homeless people who are so grateful. I know this situation sucks, especially around the holidays and when it's this cold outside, but these people needed help and I was in a position to help, so I did. They let me know that they appreciate it and enjoyed a warm meal.

About a hour in I had to have served at least a hundred people. Every single one of them was nice and said thank you. I wait around for people to finish eating so I could help clean up then go back to sleep, this was a pretty rough morning.

Eventually my phone starts to ring in my pocket. I see it was Corey and my body goes heavy, dear god. What is he going to say? Does remember anything? He has to. He didn't even drink all that much.

I excuse myself from my duties and go into the hallway to answer the phone.

"You had me worried you weren't going to answer" he starts.

"Sorry, I was at a soup kitchen and was trying to find someplace silent" I explain.

"Do you ever stop trying to help people" he asks.

"Never" I assure him.

"Never change Caroline, never change" he repeats.

"So what can I do for you" I ask as I bite my lip. I had a idea to where this is going but I know I didn't like it.

"I wanted to talk about last night" he admits and I feel my mouth go dry. I was not ready for this conversation.

"Did you have a good birthday" I ask and he laughs.

"Originally no, but it ended on a good note" he claims and I start to blush. Damn it.

"I still have your present" I say.

"Stop trying to avoid this conversation we need to have" he begs and I sigh.

"I don't know what to say Crawford" I whisper.

"I need to know how you feel" he claims.

"Its not your obligation to know how I feel" I defend.

"Why are you so against me showing you affection" he asks.

"Well for one you have a girlfriend" I say. "And two is I don't want to be a home wrecker, I really don't. I can't blame the alcohol for turning my thoughts into actions. I can't blame you for kissing me because it was just as much my fault as it was yours. I know you like me, and I never denied that I liked you. But we shouldn't be doing this. The kiss was great but it never should have happened. I'm sorry I kissed you."

"I'm not sorry about it" he says and I stop.

"Why do you keep doing this to me? Why do you keep pulling me in then kicking me out. I want what's good for you, and if you don't think I'm what's good for you then that's okay, that's just the way it is. But you keep making a effort to be with your girlfriend and I refuse to be the thing standing between you two" I insist.

"I don't know what to say Caroline. You know that I want to be with you. I don't need to say it for you to know that but I guess I'll say it. I want to be with you. That kiss last night was the most alive I have felt in years. It's what I always imagined I would feel like winning the Stanley cup or a mvp award but better. Julie is fine but she's not you, that's why I keep pursuing you. You deserve so much better than me but that doesn't make me like you any less. Whether you believe me or not, I do not regret kissing you. I regret a lot of things, and many of it is the way I have been treating you in the four months we've been friends. But it's not that kiss" he says.

"What do you want me to say" I ask.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do either. I just needed to know if that kiss meant to you what I meant to me" he claims and I sigh.

"That kiss meant everything to me" I admit and it falls silent. I lean up against the wall and rest my head on it. My eyes stay shut to keep the tears from falling. Moments pass and I can still hear him breathing. I knew he was there but I was afraid to say more.

"Did you get me one of your dads jerseys for my birthday" he finally asks and I laugh.

"A vintage rookie year game worm jersey from when he broke the rookie goalie wins record" I smile.

"God you're the best person ever" he claims and I laugh.

"Speaking of, they're probably going to need me back in the kitchen" I admit.

"Alright, well I'll let you go. Thanks for the birthday stuff and thanks for cheering me up. I really appreciate it" he insists.

"Of course, any time" I assure him.

We hang up and I go back inside. People were starting to finish up and I collect the empty plates and take them back to be washed. Using paper plates would be a wasted here so everyone eats on hard ones. It was a pain in the ass to clean but that didn't really matter. All that mattered was that these nice people got fed and could survive these cold winter days.

I say goodbye to the organizer before going home. I was going to go drop off Corey's gift but didn't need a chance encounter with the girlfriend. Even if she doesn't know what that happened last night she already hates me. I don't care if their relationship is difficult or if she is a bad person, I don't want to be the person that comes between those two. So all I can do it back out and hope for the best.