Sweet Caroline (Corey Crawford)

Bigger Than Hockey

Caroline

"It's a beautiful day" I mention as the sun beats down on my face. Corey parks my wheel chair by a bench and he sits next to me. We look over the city as life continues to press on around us.

"It really is, I love this place" he admits.

Since before my last surgery I had been slowly regaining more motion in my body. It's been nearly four weeks since the accident. And 5 surgeries later the doctors are finally happy with where I was in my progress. I could move my fingers and my arms a little. I certainly cannot walk or sit up by myself, but I was starting to be able to do sensory things in physical therapy. Mostly squeeze stress balls or change the channel. It depends how I'm feeling that day.

And today, for the first time since I got here, they let me go outside. It was summer and time for me to be exploring and seeing the world, and I have been stuck staring at the ceiling for far too long.

"How are you feeling" Corey asks as he rubs my legs.

"Good considering the circumstances. I'm on so many drugs you could probably stab me with a knife and I wouldn't notice" I admit.

"I'm not going to do that" he assures me. "But I meant how are you doing mentally" he asks and I sigh. My hands rest in my lap as I look down at them. My fingers would be fiddling right now if it wasn't so much work.

"It's hard. I am trying my best to stay positive and do what everyone is telling me to, but I'm tired. I'm tired of not being able to take care of myself. I'm tired of all the tests and surgeries, I'm tired of this whole situation" I sigh.

"Are you tired of me" he asks.

"You're one of the very few bright spots in this situation. Having you around is such a refreshing feeling, that someone can love me the way that you do. But I feel bad because it's summer and Montreal is perfect right now and you're stuck in a hospital with me" I admit.

"You don't get it. I don't need to come out here for fresh air because everything I talk to you it's a breath of fresh air. I don't need to come out here for vitamin D because you are my ray of sunshine. Everything I ever wanted I can find in you" he claims.

"I don't deserve you" I insist.

"And you don't deserve this" he claims.

"I don't want you to feel bad for me, these things happen. But we are finally getting somewhere and I love where we are heading" I smile. He grabs my hand and I lace my finger through his.

"So what did you want to do today? We can keep walking around out here or grab some food. Maybe watch some tv" he lists off.

"Don't you want to go home" I ask.

"I am home when I'm with you" he claims and I start to blush.

He pushes me around for a little while longer before he brings me in for the day. I still had my feeding tube in so I got food through there. After eating I lay down to take a nap. I was pretty exhausted and needed my energy for physical therapy later.

When I wake up from my nap I see Corey was gone. I was all alone and I kind of hated the feeling. I look around and see nothing but white. No color or personality, just a blank wall.

But like a blank canvas, this place has opportunity. A chance to become art in some peoples eyes. Kind of like me in this situation. I've had a lot of down time to kind of figure out where I have been and where I am going. Like a lot of time. But in these blank walls, I've seen so much. I've seen what gets lost in a world where there's so much going on. Sometimes you need nothing to find what you need.

"Hey" a soft voice says snapping me out of my trans. I look up and see Corey with his parents and that made me smile. "I picked up some guests for you" he says moving to the side so his parents can come in. They had balloons and cards and stuffed animals and it made me laugh. As silly as it seems I loved getting these little things. When I look at them it reminds me that I am loved.

"Hey guys" I say as they set their things down. They sit beside me as Corey watches on from behind them.

"How are you doing sweetie" his mom Sylvia asks.

"I'm getting stronger each day. It's a slow process, but little progress is better than no progress" I insist.

"That is very true" she agrees.

"How has our son been treating you" his dad asks and I hear Corey groan in the corner.

"He's been a angel. I couldn't do this without him" I admit.

"Can I tell you something... honestly" he asks and I nod.

"Dad..." Corey trials off.

"It's fine" I assure him. He stands down and I turn to his dad.

"Believe it or not, there are things in this world bigger than hockey. And this... this is it. I know you and my son has bonded over hockey over the past few months, but I know your relationship goes past that too.

I just wanted to say that we all care for you, a lot. And it's not because of your name or what you have done for our son on the ice. But what you've helped him see off of it. I've seen a change in him, and it's you. Sure his play has gotten better, but I barley noticed because he has this spark in his eyes. He has a outlook on life that isn't just hockey, it's bigger than that. It's love and passion for living life and not just going through it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're a blessing to me and my family. I hate that this happened to you and I hate that there isn't a thing I could do to make you feel better or heal faster. But you're someone who means more than hockey does in this family, and we're pulling for you" he insists.

I reach over and take his hand in mine. It wasn't a strong grip but the meaning was more important than the strength.

"Thank you" I say as my voice cracks. He smiles at me and sniffles away a tear.

Finally Corey joins us and we watch some tv. We talk about the playoffs and who we think would win. Eventually my dad comes over and we eat dinner together like one big hockey family.