Sweet Caroline (Corey Crawford)

Nightmare

Caroline

As time wears on we finally start to get somewhere. Once I was able to sit up and move my head around they decided to put me in physical therapy up to five times a week if I am able to. It's not much as of right now, just trying to move my arms and legs up and down. I'm still stuck in a bed or a wheel chair but I can feed myself and change the tv channel when someone leaves it on espn and they start talking about stupid stuff.

After I get the feeding tube taken out and one more surgery they believe I was done with all of that type of stuff. I sure hope so, I don't know how many more surgeries and setbacks I can take at this point.

I wake up early one morning and see Corey asleep beside of me. I really wish he would go sleep in a bed, and not one in the hospital. The tv was still on and the remote in his hand as he softly snores. I smile to myself because he looked so cute even though I was mad at him for not taking care of himself properly. It's not good for him to fall asleep like that, he's gonna have a stiff neck in the least.

"Crawford" I whisper as he continues to snore away. "Baby, you gotta wake up" I insist. "Corey" I yell and he hops up in his seat. He sends the remote flying sending me to giggle. He looks around and his eyes finally settle on mine.

"Are you okay" he asks as he reaches out for me and I look at him weird.

"What do you mean" I ask and he stops moving around. He continues to look me up and down before falling into his seat.

"It was just a dream... a terrible dream" he whispers.

"What are you talking about Crawford?"

"I..." he starts but he stops himself. He lets out a sigh and slumps further into the chair.

"Talk to me" I beg.

"I just had a really really bad dream, that's all" he claims.

"Our dreams are manifestations of our realities with alternate occurrences. Our dreams aren't nothing. They are messages, they are subconscious ideas that can either haunt us or help us. Only you know which one that it is" I insist.

"I had a dream that you were in a horrible accident.

You were on the way to our wedding, which is not unusual in my dreams. I often times dream about marrying you. But this time you never showed up. I was at that alter for a hour waiting for you. But you never came, you never showed up because you got in a car accident. As soon as I found out I ran to the hospital to find you. I was still in my tuxedo from the wedding. When I asked where you were..." he trails off.

"What happened Corey" I ask as he sits still, just staring at the wall.

"You didn't make it. They tried everything to save you. But they couldn't get to you in time. You were dead and I never got to marry you or have kids. I couldn't hold you or tell you that I loved you. After all we had been through, after all the things that we got through we were finally going to have our happily ever after. But we couldn't, I was left here without you and I felt so empty" he says with a tear coming down his face.

"Have you been having this dream a lot" I ask. He slowly nods his head and I let out a sigh.

"Every night since we been in here. But today... today was something different. It's never felt that real" he says softly.

"It's okay baby, I'm right here" I say softly touching his face.

"I know that, but I'm still scared" he admits.

"I am too. But I'm not going anywhere" I assure him.

"What if that's not up to you" he asks me.

"I can't think like that. That does me no good" I insist.

"It's all I can think about sometimes. I thought I struggled out on the ice this year, but that's nothing compared what this past month and some has done to me. I don't want to complain because I don't have it half as bad as you do, you're the one that's actually hurt" he sighs.

"Physically yes, but I know you're hurting too. And as much as I hate that you are always here, I know it gives you peace of mind. That's why I haven't called your parents to pick you up" I tease and he smiles a little.

"I just... This is my worst nightmare. I wish it was over" he sighs.

"Me too. But it's not about the destination, it's about the journey" I insist.

"You are so amazing, you know that right" he asks.

"I try to be."

We spend the rest of the morning drinking coffee and I try to figure out my schedule for the future. There's a lot of tests and appointments and physical therapy and specialists but we are moving forward and that's all that matters.

I do a little bit of physical therapy which is mostly me just moving my arms and legs. I wasn't allowed to stand or walk until I can control my extremities so it was a bunch of this for a while.

After that it was time for lunch. Corey comes in with Mac and cheese and water and some fresh fruit and I thank him. He sets it in my lap and I slowly start to eat.

I grab the spoon and pick up some macaroni on it. I go to move it to my mouth but my arm stops. This happens a lot but usually not when I'm eating.

"Do you need help" Corey asks.

"No, I'm fine" I insist. I try to move my arm but it doesn't go anywhere.

He softly takes the spoon out of my hand and rests my arm by my side.

"You know, it's okay to ask for help" he says.

"I still hate it" I admit.

"Well you've done nothing but help me and you haven't given me a chance to help you. Let me do you this solid" he insists.

I let him feed me like a child which he enjoyed way too much. But I finish my lunch and get all cleaned up. I was pretty much down for today since I had no surgeries planned. So I got to chill out with Corey and watch the conclusion of the Stanley cup playoffs.