Sweet Caroline (Corey Crawford)

I'm Nobody Without You

Corey

The steady sound of a machine beeping is both the cause of my anxiety and the lifeline to my sanity. It means that she is still breathing but if it stops it means it's all over and that scares the shit out of me. That it can stop at any second and that this will all be over.

Her dad went with the doctors earlier this morning to figure some things out. It was about 8 am and no one really knows what's going to happen until she wakes up which hopefully will be later today. I was honestly terrified to know what would happen if she was fully paralyzed. She lived a active life, walked everywhere in Chicago and loved to skate. What is she going to do if she couldn't stand in the kitchen and cook and dance along to her favorite songs?

This couldn't have happened to a better person, she is literally the sweetest little thing ever and I hate that this happened to her. She doesn't deserve this, she doesn't deserve to have to fight for her life or suffer because of whatever happened a few days ago.

I scoot over to her and grab her hand. I start to rub it as my eyes look her over. She looked like she was dead, that's probably what scared me the most. Because I don't know what I would do without her. Sure I lived most of my life without her in it, but the time she has been here has been the best of times. All the morning skates she would be out there helping us or the late nights on the road spent in each other's rooms just talking about whatever came to our mind. The little moments with her took up the most room in my heart and now all those memories have gone dark.

I squeeze her hand and try to stop the tears from falling. I try and take the pain away but it doesn't work. So I do the one thing she says that always helps and talk.

"I'm not sure if you can hear me or not. I'm not sure if you know what is going on or are aware of anything. I kinda hope your not so you can still have this innocence to you. But I'm sure you've figured out by now that something isn't right.

And I'm going to be completely honest. I'm so scared. I keep trying to figure out what a life without you is, and it's not one worth living. Your smile is the only thing that keeps me going. Your voice is what makes me feel alive. Your kisses are the only thing that gives me hope for a brighter future. I know these are some heavy words for someone who hasn't even been dating a month, but my life didn't even start until you were in it. You always seemed to find the right words and now I'm the one that's talking. It's crazy the effect you've had on me and my life. Slowly you showed me the way to becoming who I'm supposed to be and I know I'm not there yet but I can't get there without you.

Because I'm nobody without you. I didn't know how to love until you came along. I couldn't see who I wanted to be until you opened my eyes. And I don't know how to do this without you by my side.

I love you Caroline, I love you so much. I want to get married and have a family. I want to tell our kids about how you helped their Dad become a elite goalie on one of the best teams this world has ever seen. I want to look in their eyes and see all my favorite things about you, which is everything. I want to tell them how we never gave up on love, and we never gave up on each other and our love helped us conquer it all. But I can't do that without you here with me. I refuse to do any of that if I'm not doing it with you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as long as you don't leave me, I won't leave you. You fight for me and I will fight with you. I won't leave here until you do, whatever it takes. We're going to get you better and get you walking again. I promise that as long as I am breathing I will do anything to help you.

I remember back to when I was sick, I had just got demoted and I broke up with Julie I was not in a good place. You did everything to get me better, you showed me more love in a few hours than anyone else had in a really long time. And when I told you I love you, I knew what I was saying. Because love is not being there when it's easy, it's being there when it's hard. And I never made it easy for you to love me yet you still do. And I'm not going to let you go through this alone. Me and my parents and your dad, we are by your side the whole way.

I know you're about to wake up, and I don't know what I'm going to say when you do. I'm going to look in those bright brown eyes and break down, I just know it. But I needed to tell you this. I love you more than I have loved everything. And I need you back."

I look over and it looked like she was crying. They said that she can still be in pain so it could be from that. Or maybe she could hear me, maybe she didn't know how much I need her. I know I've never told her before so how could she?

I wipe away her tear and rest my hand on her cheek. I hold her face for a little before letting out a sigh. I decide to go for a walk to clear my mind and end up finding Patrick in the gift shop. I go in there as he stares at the get well soon cards.

"Hey" I say softly and he looks over to me. We haven't talked much, we were both kind of shocked and really emotional.

"Hey" he replies.

"What did the doctor say" I wonder.

"They talked to the police late last night and found out what happened. On her way to go be with you she was hit by a drunk driver. Her car flipped five times before crashing into a tree. She was unconscious when they found her. She died twice before they were able to stabilize her. They performed surgery to try and fix her spine and to fix her shoulder. Once she wakes up they'll do some tests and probably some more surgeries. They're not sure how bad the spinal injury is but they said it was pretty mangled when they started operating the other night" he explains.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper. I hear him sniffle as his breathing starts to fluctuate.

"I am too. She doesn't deserve this" he insists.

"I know. No one does, but especially not her" I admit.

"I'm scared she's not going to want to wake up. Maybe she wants to be with her mom" he says.

"She does want to be with her mom, but there's so much she still wants to do with her time on earth, a lot of them with you" I insist.

"I just hope that when she wakes up she has enough reasons to keep fighting" he claims.

"She has a bunch of them, and they all start with love."