Awful Things ☆ LiL PEEP

☆ chapter six ☆

"I just fell in love with a bad bitch, told me that she love me too, baby, I'm not havin' it. Sniffin' cocaine, 'cause I didn't have no Actavis—Smokin' propane, with my clique in the back. Bitches call me Cobain. She can see the pain. Look me in the eyes, girl, we are not the same
Bitch, I make it rain on my side bitch, shout out to my main. Fell in love once, and I've never been the same."
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tracy and i talked for roughly an hour and a half about nearly almost everything i could think of—between xanax, my parents, my friend issues, highschool in general and my overall feelings of inadequacy in life, and he listened to all of it. intently, too.

"girl, how old are you?"

that wasn't exactly the question i was expecting.

"um, seventeen." he gasped, surprised.

"girl, you young," he leaned back and laughed, clapping his hands. "damn, do the other guys know?" he sat up and became serious again.

"uh, i don't exactly know."

red solo cups were all over the house, the music—which i immediately recognized to be peep's song beamer boy—was blaring, and there were sweaty, drunk people everywhere.

the house is big enough to hold them all, but there isn't more then two inches between everyone standing around me. i hate to be the wallflower, but i receded out of the crowd and into the kitchen.

when i entered the kitchen that was very new and very modern, i found a familiar face.

"oh, it's you." gustav grumbled.

"hey, what's your problem man?" i immediately got defensive, and a little pissed off.

"i don't have a problem."

"oh yeah, sure, so you're just being rude for absolutely no reason?" i asked incredulously. yes, his attitude bothered me and to be honest, i really didn't recognize the words coming out of my mouth. i've never been bold enough to defend myself, and unfortunately, i never realized i'd have to defend myself against one of my idols.

"i'm being rude? you're the one who just completely ignored me." he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of hennessy, which was probably the fourth one i've seen tonight.

"i ignored you? how does one respond to what you said exactly?" i put my hands on my hips, standing sassily. peep grabbed a random red cup and filled it up with the amber liquid and chugged it right in front of me. "jesus, you drink that like it's water."

"don't judge me." he mumbled and continued to drink the alcohol, in small sips now. i cringed when i listened to the noise of his throat gulping, but tried to ignore it.

"will you just answer my question?"

"it was stupid," i groaned and slapped my left hand down on the counter. "fine. i just felt.. dissed in front of my boys, and i'm sorry i took it out on you." i smiled.

"thank you. i accept your apology." a goofy grin spread across his face, and he extended his skinny arms to wrap me in a bear hug. i inhaled, taking in the smell of his lovely cologne. i felt safe.

i wrapped my arms around his waist and i felt like my smile could never leave my face.

we stayed like that for a moment longer, long enough for me to listen to his heartbeat.

is that creepy? 

"okay, enough emotions for one day. let's get fucked up." gus suggested.

"uh," i started.

"no if, ands or buts about it. you've earned it after putting up with me and the guys all day."

"but—"

"I SAID NO BUTS!" a cup of alcohol was shoved into my hand.

thirty minutes later and one cup down, i was feeling buzzed, for the very first time.

i really tried to tell gus i was seventeen, but he just didn't want to listen. there's not much i could do about that, right? he wouldn't take no for an answer.

my face felt heated, and my cheeks were flushed a subtle pink due to the alcohol in my system. a few people had left the party, so there was only around twenty others still left, including peep, tracy, wicca and i.

we somehow all congregated into the living room (and what was supposed to be the dining room) into a sort of screwed up circle with me in the middle of bexey and peep once again.

all of a sudden, i heard the flick of a lighter and a strong smell of.. is that marijuana?

say all you want, it may be funny that i've done xans before i've ever tried weed, but it's true. i've never seen it in real life before besides on tv— which is kind of surprising considering my parents are.. who they are.

"oh." i said quietly and gus just smiled at me, taking a long hit off of the blunt.

"here," he handed it to me, and my first instinct was to just hand it to bexey, but this is only weed. it's way less damaging than xanax, right?

i brought the stick up to my lips, took a drag and coughed a little which earned a few chuckles from the crowd. i exhaled, feeling a little light headed.

"you ever done this before?" bexey questioned.

"no." i whispered low enough so no one else was able to hear me and handed him the blunt. he just smiled at me, shook his head, hit it and kept the rotation going.

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