BLADE (√)

●Chapter Twenty●

I admit. Killing gave me some sort of satisfaction. Stealing people's lives gave me a sense of purpose. I never went to any school besides Sunday school. Morals; well I didn't really know right from wrong. I knew the perception of it. What was right was right because you thought it was, if someone else said otherwise, that was their opinion. Being right to me, was a decision. One I never had to make alone.

For some time right and wrong were taught to me by my mother and father, who I hardly remember. After their murder, I was sure I remembered my teachings. Always thank the Lord for life, do not steal and love your brothers and sisters, even the ones who don't look like you. I recited these three rules for a long time until I met Alexia.

With time, memories began fading and the love was thinning becoming like water. My blood felt cold in my veins and there was nothing I could do but own it. This was the only life I could afford to have, the only one I could have. I desperately wanted to live. Not bleed out like my mother, and father and my baby sister whose name escapes me. I did not want to painfully moan like the countless men and women I had struck with my blade several times before they stopped shaking and heaving for air like Tanaka had just done. Amanda Blade, that was my name and I had lived by it because it was all I knew.

Then, five weak pathetic men decide to rob Anthony Works. Stupid, stupid men. Among these five men was Bradley, my brother, my one and only family. I thought of how he and Shaun would have gotten along if Shaun had met him. Where was Shaun anyway? My real brother and my adopted brother and me, maybe even, sister Alexia. I found hope. I'd dream about change and new beginnings. I might start school; maybe even get a boyfriend, a real one. I'd shop and laugh and dance like the girls in the movies Shaun and I watched. Blade; It was my name, I could change it, even thought it was all I knew...every thing I had done for that name was cruel and I may never some up the courage to speak about it ever again. I don't blame myself though. I know that I lived that way because that's what I was told I could do. Nothing else, just that.

I never, not once considered myself human. Yes, I got bruises, cuts and wounds but I felt invincible nonetheless. I felt like I held every one's candles in my hand at the tip of my dirty, bloody knife. Just being alive, breathing was important here, because death...death meant I'd killed you. And that was all death had ever been in this town. But that was about to change. Death was all I knew. It was time I learned something new.

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I stared at Jacobs who was sitting at his desk, his back turned toward me. I still held Gray Tanaka's dead body in my arms. His lifeless body was heavy and my arms began to hurt. My chest was sore too and I couldn't understand why I couldn't make him open his eyes. He was my kill? Why didn't I kill him?

It had been one hour of absolute silence and waiting. I thought of asking what we were waiting for but I figured I didn't really want to know. Jacobs hadn't said anything either nothing about his codes and nothing about Brad or Shaun. Alexia was nowhere to be found and the guards hadn't moved a muscle in the last hour. I let go of Tanaka's body and watched it roll forward. Jacobs spoke:

'There's this bitterness, that I enjoy enduring. It's there in the sound of your piercing voice and in the softness of your touch. I've allowed it for so long, I'm certain one day you'll kill me, then again, that same bitterness and the hope that one day you will forget, keeps you alive and is the reason for my endurance in the first place.' He paused and I looked up at him. And he smiled at me as I stood up to look at him better.

'But there's a difference. There are moments I believe that you love me dearly, might even give up your life for me. Funny right? That you'd die. Die for someone else...Me particular? How bizarre.'

I considered his words for some time before I responded. He was right, I did love him, he was the only father figure I'd known. I felt connected to him. He had provided me with everything and anything I'd ever needed. And if I asked I was sure he'd always provide.

'Do you love me?' I said quietly. He looked up. He looked into my eyes, stared long and hard.

'What do you think?' He finally answered with another question.

'Well,' I began. 'You raised me, fed me, clothed me...even named me. You left me alive when you burned the rest of my family.'

'Alexia did that.'

'Still, you allowed it.' He considered it. My response surprised him. I knew that he had sent Alexia after my father. Jacobs doesn't do his own dirty work.

'Do you know your Fathers name?' He asked. I didn't move. He wouldn't continue if I said yes. He knew I didn't know but I put on a brave face and pretended like I didn't want him to continue. He looked at me and smirked and started to speak again grabbing a silver pen on his desk.

'Anthony Jacobs.' He giggles...

'My big brother, Anthony.' He throws the pen to the wall and it falls apart.