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twenty nine :: confession

twenty nine :: confession

   Things began to change. 

   Reality dawned on me. 

   Henry left; with the wrong assumption. I knew I should have gone after him and called out his name. But what stopped me from doing just that? I didn't know. Nobody knew. But one thing I knew was that I loved him. Truly and very much. But I guessed that wasn't enough considering that I doubted him a bit. A geek, red-head like me had a very popular, hot boyfriend who could pick anyone he wants; but he chose me. Leona Goodman. One of the unknowns in Eastview High. 

  And I guessed I deserved what I got.

  I needed the taste of my own medicine. 

  Early on a Monday morning, I arrived at school and waited by the car park. Waiting to see if Henry would turn up at the same time like he used to everyday. I was feeling queasy, my stomach had butterflies. I didn't know if he would turn up after the last time we encountered each other. Five minutes dragged by his normal time and I was left alone standing by the gate; looking goodness-only-what. I decided to give it a few more minutes but Henry didn't turn up. Perhaps, he decided to park around the other corner? But that was unlikely, he would never park his car around the other car park. 

  I felt tears welled within my eyes but I refused to cry. Henry was avoiding me. But was this his way of saying that it was over between us? After we went through a lot of things together, was everything just going to lead into this? Into nothingness because he got the wrong idea? Tears are now flooding my face and I wiped them away angrily. My crying wasn't going to do anything to bring Henry back. 

   Feeling like time slowed, I headed for my class numbly. I couldn't seem to feel anything as I saw glimpses of students whispering and looking at me. I didn't care; they could talk all they want. Henry was no longer here and I screwed things up so badly. I thought of picking my phone up and ringing him but I knew he wouldn't pick up. 

  I walked to English class and barely even noticed Danika sitting on our usual table. She was writing something down on her little notebook and I stared up ahead without seeing anything. I think she should know by now what happened with all the rumours going around the school. A slip of paper came forward and I didn't have to know who it was from.

 I opened it and nearly burst into tears. 

      Are you okay?

   My smile was wobbly and a little teary as I focused my attention on my best friend. She knew about my break-up with Henry. She must have heard different stories but I knew she was waiting for me to actually tell her what happened. So I decided to tell her and poured all the information out. About what happened when I saw Dane lying nearly dead on the floor and helping him out. Henry walking in on us as if we were doing something wrong and made a wrong assumption as he saw me holding hands with Dane. 

   I was a hot mess by the time I finished. Full, fat tears were rolling down my cheeks when I told Danika that Henry was avoiding me. She smiled at me sadly and pulled me into a hug. We didn't care if the teacher noticed us or if any other students did. "Oh, honey" came out her mouth and hugged me tighter. 

    "I'm sure it's not the end. You need to make peace with him and tell him what you've just told me. You have to do it" Danika insisted, squeezing my fingers with hers. 

   I shook my head, "It's over, Danika. I just don't want to dwell on it that much anymore because it hurts. Even by just thinking about it" 

   We stayed like that, just huddled together. Thankfully though, our English teacher didn't notice and we went back to doing our work. Soon, the bell rang and we had to go. I packed my stuff and went out the door. Danika didn't try and reassure me again; I knew that she wouldn't push me into anything that I didn't want to do.