Mind of ZAYN ✔️ Zarry

ch. 12 ✏

"Aaaahh! Put me down! Put me down! Oh my goodness! Stop this f.ucking shit! Aaaaaaaaahh!" Harry laughed at Zayn cursing beside him. He holds tight on the grip around his shoulders.

They went up and down, left and right. And Harry keeps on laughing because of all the swearings Zayn did.

"Whoooo! Aren't you enjoying this, Zayn?!" Harry shouted as the air hits them hard.

"What is so enjoyable about this getting me killed?! You f.uck my life now, Harreh! Aaaahhh!" Zayn screams his lungs out as the loop goes downwards.

"Look down, Zayn! Look down!" Harry shouted laughing so hard seeing Zayn's face. "What am I? A fool?! Noo!" Zayn replied screaming because his heart pounding rapidly.

"Hahahahahaha! Whooooo! Happy birthday, Freddiieeeeeeeeeeeee!" Harry shouted as the loop moves faster. He screams and screams for the excitement he is feeling, but Zayn screams because of the fear he has in his heart.

"Whooooooo! This is the most enjoyable and exciting ride ever!" Harry screams. He looked beside him when he hears nothing from Zayn anymore. He isn't screaming, shouting, or cursing anymore. Zayn's head is just bowed down.

"Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayn!" Harry called. There is no response. He tried to squeeze him, but Zayn isn't moving. He tried to poke his face. He touched him. But he felt something on Zayn's face.

There are tears on Zayn's face. Harry panicked. Is he crying? What did I do?

"Zayn?! Zayn?! Speak! Talk to me! Are you hurt?!" Harry asked Zayn shouting. He didn't reply. He holds his hand trying to get a response. Zayn held back. Still not speaking. Harry's getting nervous and panicking.

After the ride, Zayn quickly removed his seatbelt and get out of the car. Harry runs towards him. He grabbed his arms. "Hey, Zayn, are you okay?" Harry asked with concern in his eyes. He feels guilty for doing that.

"Harry, seriously? You asking me that?" Zayn backed, pissed off. He walked away fast. But Harry followed him again. "Zayn, look, I'm sorry, it's just for fun." Harry defended still following Zayn. Zayn didn't respond.

They kept on walking and walking, Harry keeps on apologizing, and Zayn keeps on ignoring him.
Until Harry, surrenders. He stopped following Zayn.

"You know what, if you don't want to accept it, fine! It's no big deal to me. And why am I even apologizing? Such a waste of time." He said frowning. Zayn turned around to look at Harry, even more, pissed than earlier.

"What? Are you hearing yourself, Harry? Are we going to bring the past again? Huh, Harry? I did apologize million times to you, and you say it just for fun? Is it fun to see that I'm scared? That I look like a fool? God, Harry!" Zayn shouted angrily then walks away. Harry froze where he stood. He sighed. 

He sat down on the nearest bench.

I know he did apologize, a million times. I know that he only wants to fulfill his dreams, but what did I do? I pushed him away. I became so selfish. Is that so wrong? That I just want him all for myself? I loved him, yes I still do. But, now, I can't do anything. I just ruined everything. But hell, this hurts so much. I fought for us. I suffered so much, I endure all the pain that he caused me. I never had someone, other than him. Yes, I know, Perrie was just a cover for us. But I did know, I did feel everything, the love they had. But I pretended not to know. I was blinded by love. You might think that I was selfish, that I was only thinking of my happiness. But no, I was a fool for him. I sacrificed, I know he did, too. I loved him so much. I know he did love me too. But all of the wrong things had happened, I'm so done with all the pain, got even madder for him leaving the band. Yes, he wanted to fulfill his dreams, but isn't it great to fulfill his dreams with me? With his best friend and brothers? I don't know what to think anymore.

He felt a comforting arm around him. He hugged back. Tears roll down. He cried.

"I-I d-don't know now, Louis. It's all coming back to me. And it hurts so much!" He said between his sobs. Louis rubbed his back to comfort him.

"Hush, love. Just, let it out. Everything's going to be fine."

Hours had passed. They are all resting on one bench that late noon, eating burgers and fries since they didn't have breakfast or lunch. Harry eats in silence after crying for an hour. Zayn did notice his swollen eyes. He knew he cried. He sighed again, cursing himself that he made Harry cry again.

"Hey, Harry, please babysit Freddie for me while we ride that super Viking. I love you." Louis handed Freddie to Harry and run so fast following Niall and Liam. He shook his head and baby talk to Freddie. Zayn watches.

Harry smiled when Freddie touched his face. He intertwined his index finger to Freddie's hand.

"You know what, you are the best today so far. Do you even know that you ride that Ferris wheel? Many people are scared to ride it. But you are so brave. You little superman." Harry said as if Freddie understand him. He kisses him a lot on the cheeks, which made the little lad giggle.

"Hosh," Freddie muttered pinching Harry's cheeks. Harry furrowed.

"What Hosh, baby?" He asked.

"Hosh! Hosh!" Freddie said, very excited about something. He even clapped his hands while saying "Hosh"

"What is it, sweetheart? What is hosh?" Harry asked again. Zayn stood up walks and approaches them.

"I think he's talking about the carousel," Zayn exclaimed. Harry simply gazed at him.

"Oh, you want to ride horses?" He asked. "Hosh!" Freddie answered excitedly. Harry laughed.

"Okay, then. Let's ride that horses. Hiya!" He put Freddie on his shoulder as they walked.

"Wait up!" Zayn shouted following them. Zayn ran after them.

They went into the carousel and make Freddie choose what to ride. When the ride started, Freddie started to cheer the excitement out of his system. Harry laughed at the adorable and admiring face of Freddie. Zayn watches too, he looks at the two with fondness. He imagined how can be happier to be with Harry and their child. How could it be waking up to see Harry's beautiful face and with the little voice greeting him good morning? How would his life be perfect than ever?

Harry saw Zayn looking at him. The way he looks at him reminds him of the old Zayn he used to love. They looked at each other's eyes. There's love. But there's more pain.
Harry looked away first. Then rushed outside of the ride when it stopped holding Freddie. Zayn followed. Harry kept on walking and walking, they got back to the bench where they sit earlier, but the three lads aren't there. He walks and tries to find them. He didn't find someone. Zayn called. He ignored it.

"Harreh." He ignored it.

"Harreh, wait up." He didn't stop walking.

"Harreh, didn't you hear me?" He grabs Harry's shoulders.

"What?" Harry shouted angrily. Zayn quickly puts a finger on his lips.

"Ssssshhhh." Zayn gestured.

"Freddie fell asleep." He said. Harry looks Freddie in his arms and yes, the little lad fell asleep, and he didn't notice it. He was busy ignoring Zayn.

"Lemme have him, can I?" Zayn extends his arms to get Freddie, Harry nods. As they switch, their hands touched each other. They felt electricity. Shivers ran down on their spines. They both know it. Zayn looked deeply in Harry's eyes, Harry looked away.

"Can you please, don't make this hard for me? Okay, I get it. You're happy now. You have regretted our thing. I know. But please, can you stop making me feel this way? Stop looking at that way. Stop it. Because I don't what to think anymore." Harry quickly said before turning his back. He walked away. Leaving Zayn. Watching him walk away from him makes his heartbreaking.

This is just complicated. He wanted to have a normal life with Gigi. But he wanted Harry more. He wants Harry back. But there is always stopping him from doing it. His mind says it. But his heart says otherwise.

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