Mind of ZAYN ✔️ Zarry

ch. 20 ✏

Zayn gently kisses Harry's knuckles before rubbing them with his thumb. He was lying down and staring at the sweet creature that is sleeping peacefully beside him, both are naked under the sheets. It happened again. Something deep inside him, know that this shouldn't be happening. But he doesn't care, and he doesn't regret it.

They didn't know how they got out of that restaurant without leaving a word or message to the group and ended up at Harry's place. They needed this. They need each other. And what matters the most is, they are happy being complicated.

Zayn's phone beeps. He reached it out from the nightstand. It was a text from Gigi.

From Gigi: Hi, baby. I got home safely. I tried calling you, but I guess you and Harry were busy talking. Don't worry, I'm not mad. Just make sure Harry's okay before you leave him, 'kay? Bye xx

He sighed. He remembers the conversation they had after having sex.

"This isn't right, Z." Harry rubbed Zayn's cheeks. Zayn looked at him.

"What's so wrong about loving you, Haz?" Zayn asked, feeling Harry's touch upon his skin.

"This. All of this." Harry replied. Zayn pulled him closer, wrapping his arm around his waist.

"You have a girlfriend," Harry added. Zayn didn't speak for a second. They just accept the comfortable silence between them.

"I'll talk to her, end up things with her, and we'll be alright." Zayn shrugged the answer like it was just an easy additional math equation for primary.

Harry shook his head.
"No, Zayn. I don't want you to. Don't give her up just for me."

"Wait, Harreh, do you love me?" Zayn asked.

"Of course I do. I love you so much, Zayn." Harry answered truthfully.

"Why don't you be with me? If we love each other, we could be together." Zayn defended.

"I love you, Zayn. You know that it's just that, things are so complicated right now. Well, it always is. But, I'm just afraid that if we turned things so fast, we'll regret it. I'm just thinking that maybe you just love the idea of loving me. That you just missed me. That you just got excited seeing me after those years." Harry explained. Letting out a deep breath.

"No, don't think of it that way, babe. I love you. I really do. I love you to the moon and back. I love you to the highest mountain and the deepest sea. I love you to the farthest galaxy. I love you to infinity, Harry." He cupped his face before kissing the tip of his nose.

"I just don't want to rush things, Zayn. I'm still a bit scared." Harry's voice crack, soon will be crying again.

"Hush, love. Okay, I won't rush you. We'll go at your pace. No matter how slow you want it to be. But just so you know, I'll make this right this time." He said giving Harry a sweet kiss before he fell asleep.

"I want you all for me, Harry. You're mine, and I'm yours." He whispered in his ears and leaned forward to kiss him.

***

The morning came, Harry was teary again. Zayn had left him again just after they had made love. It's breaking his heart not to wake up and see his face. His tears had dried upon his cheeks. Getting up from the bed and putting his boxers on.

"I should have expected this to happen." He muttered to himself as he walks into the attached bathroom.

Once done brushing his teeth, he got out of his room and went downstairs to the kitchen. But he was surprised.

Zayn? I thought he left last night?

His back is facing Harry as he cooks. Harry's heart melted when he realized that he's not having a daydream and he's seeing him right now.

He slowly walks towards him and hugged him from behind.

***

Zayn

I felt arms wrapped around my chest and a smile crushed my face. "Hey, Good morning," I spoke. He didn't move.

"I thought you left me again." He said I can see him pouting from behind so I turned off the stove first before turning around.

"I was just cooking something for you." I raised his arms to wrap it around my neck and I wrapped mine on his waist. I leaned forward to give him wet kisses. He smiled in between the kiss.

"Thank you for staying." He said when he pulled away. I smiled.

"Uhmm, I hope you don't mind. I borrowed some of your shirts. I've washed my clothes from last night. So that's why..." I said, motioning to the shirt I'm wearing.

"You look good in my shirt. You should have some of it." He said as he leaned closer to hug me. I chuckled.

"No, you look more perfect with my clothes on 'cause it's my pride. That says you're mine." I leaned closer to kiss his jawline down to the back of his ear. He moaned a little that causes me to smirk.

"Z-Zayn, eat breakfast first."

"I'm already eating my breakfast." I went down on his neck, sucking and nibbling. He giggled.

"Zayn, s-stop." I furrowed.

"Why?" I asked. His face went serious. I got worried. "Harry, what's the problem? Tell me, babe."

"Nothing, Zayn. Just, just about last night, we--we had sex." He said.

"Yes, what about it?" I asked in confusion. We just didn't have sex, it was love. Because I love him.

"I, I just want it to be the last." I frowned. Why? Is he leaving me for good?

"What? Harry, I don't understand. I thought we talked about this already? Why are you leaving me? You said you love me." Tears are building up behind my eyes.

"No, no, no. Yes, I love you. And no, I'm not leaving you." He answered.

"Then why?" I asked again. What's going on in his mind? It's a bit confusing. Last night he told me to not rush things between us, then now this.

"I, I just want you to end things with Gigi first. I don't want you cheating on her, Zayn." What's his point? Yes, Gigi and I are in a relationship. But we never love each other.

"Harry, you know that I don't love her. And she, too, don't love me." I told him cupping his face.

"Zayn, she loves you."

"Harry, no. Yes, she loves me. But she's not in love with me. So how am I cheating on her?"

"I, I don't know, Zayn. I just... look, he's a girl. Her heart is weaker than mine. And, I know the feeling to be cheated on, Zayn. I don't want her to feel that. And you said to me, you promised to do this right this time, don't you?"

I know I cheated on him when we were in our relationship, because of my dumbass attitude, and I didn't want those things that happened, I just didn't control myself. But now I'm cheating on her because I love this man so much. I'm willing to leave everything behind for Harry, and I'm willing to do it, right now. That's the difference.

"Zayn? I'm serious about this. About us. We will do this right this time. Without hurting anybody, without using anyone to cover us. Just the two of us. Slowly, but in the end, we'll be together." He held my cheeks, rubbing them gently. I closed my eyes to feel his touch. And slowly nod.

Whatever he wants, however, he wants this to be, whenever the perfect time is, I will patiently wait. If this is the best way to meet us forever, if this is the best way to start over again, I'm willing to risk it all.

***