Mind of ZAYN ✔️ Zarry

ch. 14 ✏

Zayn

I got out of the recording studio for a cigarette break. I'm back in New York, while Niall is in Dubai, and Louis is in LA. I know Harry is in LA right now, too. I saw a picture of him and that model Camille Rowe. I can see that he enjoyed their dinner date or whatever they call that. Gigi is in Japan. And I am busy recording my second album.

I was about to return inside when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I got a text from Louis.

From Louis: Harry's in NYC with James! Do something!

What? He's here? Why? And what am I supposed to do?

To Louis: Oh great to know. Do what?

From Louis: Like, invite him to your apartment, duh?

To Louis: It's impossible to do that now, Louis. And they might be hanging out, having some good time, yeah.

From Louis: Thought you want to be friends with him again? He's just 14 minutes away from you. You won't do anything?

To Louis: Ok ok! Fine, I'll try. But I'm telling you, it's impossible, all eyes are on me and him since we're in the same city.

From Louis: Oh c'mon, Zaynie. I know you can do it, you two are good at hiding, you hid your relationship for four years. And just one night won't harm, yeah?

I shook my head. Louis is so always good at convincing people. In a sassy way. I still don't know how to do it. And besides, Harry won't give in. He was busy ignoring me in the past few days. I know it. And if he's here, I don't think we'll see each other. Plus, he'd do anything for us not to bump on each other. So, I guess, I'll just leave him alone.

***

"Uhmm, hey! You're here." I scratch the back of my head as I'm looking at Harry's shocked face. Yeah, we did bump into each other on a parking lot. James is with him and is grinning widely. I feel awkward at that.

"Hey, Zayn! How are you? Good to see you here, man." James reaches out and we hugged. He whispered something in between our hugs that made me tense.

"Harry's a really good kisser, you're lucky to have him for four years in the past." He then laughed and I frowned. I remember their kiss at the carpool karaoke.

"Only joking." He said patting my shoulders. I looked at Harry who's furrowing. Look so curious about what James had said to me.

"I, uh, I just want to know if you two want to hang out in my apartment if you won't mind," I asked nervously. I played with my fingers and chewed my lower lip. I already know that he'll say no. But I keep on hoping.

"Oh, I, um, I'm sor--"

"Yes! Of course, we'd love to, Zayn. We didn't saw each other for years so I guess this night is a reunion. Don't you think, Harry?" Harry was cut off by James, he was about to resist but then James speaks again.

"Of course, Harry won't mind. So let's go to your apartment now." He said cheerfully and pulling Harry into his car, I was dumbfounded. I'm thankful that James is with him. I got in my car and led us to my apartment.

***

"Congratulations on being a father again, James." I greeted him as we make a toast. He smiled and took a sip of the beer.

"Yeah, I'm so happy to have a daughter again. Being a father means so much happiness to me. It's like heaven when I woke up and see the faces I love at the moment. God! How did I deserve all of this? I am so lucky." He said smiling widely. I used to know the feeling of waking up to see Harry's face every morning, so I know, what heaven feels like. I looked at him. He's playing with his drink.

"How about you, man? Are you planning to have a baby with Gigi? You did propose to her, right?" James asked. I froze. Yeah. How can't I think of Gigi right now? How did I not think of having a baby with her?

"Uhh, yes I did. But yeah, she refused it." I simply replied before sipping on my drink.

"You, you okay with that? I mean, she rejected your proposal." He asked again. I nodded at him.

"Yeah, it's okay. To be honest, I never really meant it. I was just pressured by her mom and her sister. And we never talked about it again. She wasn't prepared for it. I understand. Yeah." I replied, looming at Harry who's still playing his drink. Wonder what's going on in his mind.

James' phone rang and it's his wife. "I'll just take this call, you two fix this table, and we'll play board games when I came back." He said before answering the call and going out. I stood up to clean the table and put the dishes in the sink.

"Let me help you with that." Harry stood up as he gets the bottles of beer.

"No, Haz, you don't have to. Just sit there and wait for me." I insist. Getting the bottles from his hands.

"No, I don't want to just sit here and do nothing." He said while we fight like playing tug of war with bottles.

"No, Harreh, just sit there. You're my guest. Let me assist." I said pulling back the bottles in his.

"Don't treat me like a baby Zayn. I can do that." He fought again pulling the bottles to him.

Not so far when the beer poured on my shirt and my face because of our tugging.

"Oh shit. I'm sorry, Zayn." He cursed and quickly get a tissue to wipe my face. I didn't move. I stared at his face. We are close to each other. Him, wiping my face, I let him do it. I stared deeply at his face. His eyes, his eyelashes, his nose, his lips. My heart is melting and is beating so fast.

He then wipes my shirt. I unconsciously held his hand to my chest. Right in my heart. I want him to feel the beating of my heart. He looked at me. We are looking at each other's eyes. I want to tell him that I love him. That I still do. That is never changed.

He slowly pulled his hands off but I held him tighter.
"Z-zayn, what are you doing?" He muttered I can hear the nervousness in his voice. He looked away.

"Look at me, Haz," I said. But he didn't. I cupped his face and turned it to me. He looked me in the eyes now. I was leaning closer. I have this urge to kiss him. And I might die if I didn't.

"Zayn! Stop! This is absurd." He yelled. I try to hold him again.

"Haz. Let me explain." I'm trying to reach him but he backed away.

"Zayn, please, don't make this hard for me." Harry closes his eyes.

"I'm already trying to give myself a chance. But if you continue to do this, I don't know anymore." He sadly said. I sighed.

"I just--"

"Zayn, please don't. I can't take it anymore if you said a single word right now." He said then grabbed his sweater before going out.

What have I done? I don't understand even myself. I only know that I want a normal life, but it seems I'm not happy with it.

I want Harry back. But I know I can't. I want us back, but the world wouldn't let us. I want to love him forever, but I'm not allowed to do it. But I still do.

***