Mind of ZAYN ✔️ Zarry

ch. 16 ✏

Zayn (Flashback)

It's already been two days since I ran after Harry when he witnessed what just happened between me and Perrie. Two days without him in my arms. I kept on saying sorry and explaining to him. But he won't listen to me. He didn't even lay an eye on me. Whenever I'm going to touch him, he'll slap my hands away. Like I'm some piece of trash. I know that I don't have the right to complain about anything that's happening right now. It's all my fault. And I regret it all! I hate myself so much that I wanted to kill myself. But that won't do anything good in my relationship with Harry. I know that I need to do everything I can to bring Harry back to me.

I hate how he doesn't look at me, doesn't pay attention to me. I hate that he doesn't sleep with me anymore and that I couldn't see his face when I woke up. It's all fvcked up! And that's all because of me. I'm always reaching and approaching him, but he always keeps on going away, he kept his distance from me.

I know I'm worth all your curse because I didn't listen to him that night. I know that I should have stayed with him. But I didn't also expect it to happen, I didn't plan on doing that, especially since I'm with Harry. But it's just that, I don't know how. It just happened. I know I might sound like an asshole which I am already, but I'm just a man. Wait! Don't think that I didn't fight it to happen. I did. But Perrie is just-- Okay, let's not talk about this, it's not helping.

We're eating lunch at this moment and I don't feel so right. Well, they are talking about something and it looks normal for them. But for me, it isn't. I'm not eating at all, I guess my eating disorder will only get worse. All that I'm thinking now is how to make it up on Harry. I'm sitting beside him but he never talked to me.

The room filled with a ringing phone indicating someone is calling. The talk between them got cut off by it. Until I realize that it is my phone ringing.

Perrie's calling.
I sighed in frustration. The room went awkward right now. I didn't move. And I don't plan on taking that call now. Even if Harry's not around. I turned to look at Harry, he's staring at my phone. I saw his jaw clenched.
I'm feeling so low now.
I held his hand under the table.

"Please tell me to not answer it, babe. Please tell me. Talk to me." I pleaded. My eyes are watery now because of the tears that soon will be falling on my face.

He pulled his hand away. But my hand is still on his thigh.
"Why would I? Did you listen when I told you not to? You didn't, right? So what's the sense of doing the same thing again when I know you won't do it?" He said standing up and leaving. A tear already escapes in my eyes. I can't take this anymore. The rest stood up. I felt Liam and Niall's comforting hands on my shoulders before they walk away. I stared at Louis with tears on my face. He stared back at me. I don't know but I feel that he's killing me inside his mind.

"Go on, punch me right in the face. Curse me and call me things. I know I'm worth it." I told him while wiping my tears that keep on falling.

"Yeah, f.uck you, Zayn." He replied.

"Yeah, I'm mad at you because you're just an asshole. But, ugh! This is the disadvantage when I am the best friend of both of you. I can't choose a side. I'm stuck in between." He slammed the chair beside him.

"But I tell you, Zayn. Do it right this time. Make him come back to you. Or else!" I looked at him just to see him raising a fist on me. I know. I deserve it. He stood up and patted my shoulder before leaving.

I can't sleep! The memories from the past just keep on repeating again and again on my mind. It's like a ghost in the past. I know why it's happening. Because we didn't have closure.

I got up from bed. We're still in the house. We're already sleeping in our rooms, unlike before, we did sleep in one room. I got out and made my way downstairs, not minding wearing my shirt. I get a mug from the kitchen cabinet. I'll make my milk. I need it. I badly need it.

I was stirring my milk when I heard footsteps. I waited for it to reveal his face. I froze in my place when I saw it's Harry. I can see him without a light. It's just the moon that gives us light because I didn't mind turning on the light earlier.

He stiffened a bit. But then walks towards where I am.
"You're awake." I simply started a conversation.

"You're stating the obvious." He said laughing a bit. I smiled. He sat down on the kitchen counter instead of on the chair.

"Milk? Or coffee? Or tea?" I asked before I sip on mine.

"Yes, please." He smiled.

"Which one?" I furrowed. He laughs. I smiled at that. He's really cute as a cupcake whenever his dimples show up.

"A milk, please. Cause I can't sleep." He said giggling. God! His laugh. I'm willing to die just to hear that more often.

I nodded and quickly made his milk. Once done, I gave it to him.

"Thank you." He said smiling wide. I'll never be tired of looking at this face for the rest of my life if I'd given a chance to. A second chance maybe.

"You, why you still awake?" He asks while I sit on the edge of the kitchen table holding my milk.

"Can't sleep either," I replied. He made a face. He's so cute.
I'm feeling giddy inside, I just don't want to show him.

"Well, you just need to take more sleep if you have the time to. Because you're going busy again when Monday comes. We are all going busy again." He said and nodded smiling. He always has this concern for everyone. He's very sweet and I'm so glad that he's back to his old self despite all that happened.

"Yeah, I'll try. Although I only have tomorrow." I replied.

"Or later? Because it's already Sunday, Zayn. It's 2:30 am." He said laughing. He's really in a good mood right now. I don't plan on ruining this moment. I have to control myself before I regret anything.

I laughed at the realization though. Yeah, it's already 2 am on Sunday.

"So, I just wanted to ask. Because I heard you, what's your favorite on my album?" I asked. Starting a conversation again. He looked at me. Then put a finger on his chin. Thinking of what his answer will be. I mentally smiled at his cuteness. He's such a beautiful creature.

"I like I Won't Mind." He answered smiling, I smiled back. The song that I've been wanting to be put on our album back then but denied.

"How about you? Did you listen to mine?" He asks. I nodded smiling. He looks so surprised which made me giggle.

"You do? What's your favorite then?" He asked like a teenage fangirl. I giggled.

"I love From The Dining Table a lot." I smiled. His smile weakens. Like he remembers something. But then laugh again.

"That's a dramatic song. Why do you like it? I thought you're gonna say Kiwi instead." He said laughing.

"That's why I love it. Because I can feel you singing it for me." I answered. He stopped laughing with the words that just came out. Oh shit!

"I meant, the song lyrics are so deep, plus, you're singing it with emotion that made the song even better. That's what I'm saying." I defended scratching the back of my neck. He simply nods.

He got down from the kitchen counter as I watch him walking towards the sink and washing his mug. When he's done, he wipes his hands with a towel.

"The sun will be rising soon. And I'm a bit sleepy now. So I guess this is goodnight." He said smiling. I smiled too. He started walking upstairs.

"Harreh." He stopped and looked back at me. "Yeah?" He said.

"It's really nice talking to you. Goodnight." I said smiling. He smiled too.

"Yeah. Goodnight." He answered then walks upstairs.

Lub....dub....lub....dub...
My f.ucking heart!

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