Trash

14

Sometimes I just sit there and then a sudden fear comes over me and bursts inside my chest and won't let me breathe. I see myself in places that should not be seen by anyone and I'm creating them by my own, they are created by my own mind.
I fear that I may be alone and lonely forever and I am losing my words while trying to explain how this sickness has taken over me.
Everyone I know will vanish and in the end I will absolutely be left alone with no one left with no one  to turn to and I don't know how to change it.
I'm tired of feeling this way, I am tired of feeling tired.
I am tired of always hiding and that I am not able to stop. To show how I really am because I've been losing myself through all these years after all I did was pretending and adapting.
I can't tell who I am anymore, I can not even tell who I want to be.
I've turned into a ghost yet nobody noticed, how should they? All they always got to know was this side of me.
I'm tired of being ashamed of what I am, who I am, what I love and what I am passionate about.
But I found myself being an undefined ghost that is unknown to everyone. Just because I didn't wanted anyone to know me, to be pigeonholed.
I always wanted to be that mysterious girl that nobody truly knows. Stupid little me, nobody was even trying to get to know me.
How can I be myself without being judged, how can I be myself and won't care about what others think or say.

I've always stayed the ghost girl that nobody knew and now it's no surprise no one will miss me when I am gone for they didn't even noticed I was there.

26/01/2018 - Freitag [19:45 Uhr]