bleed me | jin ✔

O N E

My love,

Today there were no clouds, the sun was shining bright in the sky, I could hear the birds singing... and yet I felt like I was in hell.

Every day so far has been a torture. Every day that I spend here, every day that I spend away from you, is pure agony.

Tomorrow is my last day here, my last day in hell, and yet, I feel like I'm leaving one hell only to enter another. Because hell is wherever you are not.

I know you won't be where I'm going. I don't even know where you are right now, and where you have been since I left you.

I know I don't deserve to know. I don't deserve to see you. 

I still hope I will. But I know I won't.

Please, more than anything, take care of yourself. 

J.

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His cellphone was ringing somewhere in his apartment, but he couldn't get himself to look for it. His bed was too comfortable, the floor was too cold, and he simply didn't care about whoever wanted to talk to him.

He knew it was probably Jungkook who was calling him anyway. Jungkook, his old friend from college who lived nearby. Jungkook, the only one who bothered about him these days, apart from his family. 

The ring stopped and a beep resonated, indicating a missed call.

He turned around to stare at the ceiling, noticing there was a crack right in the middle of it, above his feet. 

He had noticed the same crack for a few weeks now, even though he couldn't remember when it had first appeared. 

Then, his ringtone could be heard again and he sighed in annoyance. 

Moving his feet to the floor, he stretched his legs to put on his slippers and slowly stood up. He made his way across the room, getting around various clothes thrown on the floor. 

Entering the tiny kitchen, he glanced momentarily at the frame that hung on the wall above the table, expressionless. 

These days he knew better than to be affected by the picture that was on display. 

Grabbing his phone that lay on the counter between a dirty plate and his brand new rice cooker, he looked at the screen, and answered when he recognized Jungkook's name. 

"Hello?" he greeted, his tone flat.

"Jin Hyung!" Jungkook's voice greeted him back, and his tone had a hint of excitement in it.

"What?" he growled. 

Nothing could make him feel more annoyed than hearing someone's excited voice at 11AM on a Saturday.

"What are you up to? Do you have plans for today?" Jungkook asked, not bothered by his hyung's rude tone. After all, he was used to it.

"Yes, I have plans," Jin lied, narrowing his eyes. 

Jungkook had that annoying habit of asking people if they were busy, instead of proposing plans right away. So Jin always said he was busy, because otherwise he had no excuse to avoid what was often Jungkook's awful idea of fun. 

But Jungkook knew it way too well.

"Stop lying, hyung. It's a Saturday, so you're not working. And all you do is work. Which means you are free today. And tonight," he said, and Jin could hear his smile through his tone. 

That boy smiled way too much.

"Tonight?" was all Jin could muster. 

"Yeah, tonight. You haven't forgotten my birthday tomorrow, right? Tonight's the party! You better come, I will only turn 26 once." Jungkook said, and Jin sighed inaudibly. 

The last thing he wanted to do tonight was go out. He'd much rather stay in, lay in his bed, and stare at the ceiling. Which had a crack in it.

But Jungkook was the only one who still stuck by his side, so he had to make an effort. 

And then he could find excuses until Jungkook's 27th birthday. 

"Who else will be there?" He wondered out loud, not really caring for the answer, but finding nothing else to say.

"So you'll be there? Awesome! It'll be only me, you and Hoseok. And maybe Namjoon. Nothing big, just hitting a few clubs and a few stops for food and such." Jungkook talked animately.

He nodded, and then realized Jungkook couldn't see him.

"Okay." He said, already thinking of how boring tonight would be. 

Hopefully he would be able to make an early exit. Maybe by faking a stomach ache? 

"Awesome!" Jungkook exclaimed. "I'll see you at eight?" He asked.

"Yeah." And with that monosyllable, Jin hung up. 

Ugh. 

He lowered himself, sitting on the kitchen floor in pure laziness. His bed was simply too far now.

What was wrong with him? Most 27 years old went out with their friends all the time. They spent their weekends playing sports, shopping, hanging out with friends, partying. And here he was, sitting on his cold kitchen floor, in pure discouragement over the fact that he needed to go out on a Saturday night. 

Sitting like that, with his back leaning on the kitchen cabinets, he could see the frame over his kitchen table. Staring at it, he knew exactly what was wrong with him. 

He just couldn't fix it.

Sighing, he closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the cabinet. 

He needed to find clean clothes for tonight.