bleed me | jin ✔

E I G H T E E N

My love,

This is the last letter I will write to you. I can't do it anymore, writing down all these thoughts, all these things that I want to say, but never sending them. It was supposed to help me heal, but now it's just hurting me, because it feels as if you're here, when you are not; it feels as if I'm telling you things, when I am not; it feels as if there is still hope for us, when there is not.

So I will stop writing all these letters, and hope that one day the urge to write more ceases. And that day, I'll know the pain will be gone, for good.

J.

_____________

One week later

"Hyung, I just think that you shouldn't do it." Jungkook sounded nervous as he looked at his friend.

Said-friend just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, Jungkook. It's not like anything bad can happen." Namjoon retorted, waving his hand in dismissal.

Jungkook shifted on his feet, looking over at his other friend by his side.

"Jin Hyung, don't you think it's dangerous?" He asked, hopeful that surely he wasn't the only one to think jumping from the bridge and into the canal was dangerous.

Jin shrugged his shoulders lazily.

"I mean, of course it's dangerous. But if Namjoon wants to have both his legs broken, then I can't do anything to stop him." 

"Okay, I'm gonna do it." Namjoon was determined. He took a few steps back, eyes looking at the canal down below. Right as he was taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, a distant voice interrupted him.

"Are you freaking insane?!" Hoseok yelled as he appeared at the other end of the bridge, coming towards his friends at full speed.

They all turned their heads to look at him, panting as he ran the last few meters separating them.

"Oh, Hoseok Hyung. I thought you weren't coming." Jungkook said casually, like they hadn't just been caught doing what they said they wouldn't do. 

Hoseok stopped in front of them and leaned down on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

"You! Ugh. You said you weren't coming to the canal. I wanted to be the first one to jump in the canal, Namjoon. How dare you take that away from me?" He was still panting, but it was obvious from his tone that he was mad.

Namjoon just narrowed his eyes.

"Why should you be the first one? Why can't I be?" He argued, and stepped down from the platform he was standing on that overlooked the canal.

"Why would any of you want to be the first one to jump? You'll just break both of your legs." Jin interjected, a little confused.

Hoseok's eyes widened, like he was just now considering the possibility that jumping into a canal that might or might not be deep could be dangerous. 

"I'm sure it's deep enough." Namjoon shook his head. "I saw some guys about to jump last week, and it seemed fine." Out of them four, he had always been the one taking more risks. 

Jin used to think it was a bad thing, to take so many risks, but now he didn't know anymore. Now, he couldn't help but think that taking more risks meant going through life faster, because you wouldn't spend your time thinking about what could happen, you'd just deal with what happened. Sometimes, it turned out for the best, and other times, it turned out for the worst. But at least, you'd know how it'd turned out, you wouldn't spend time worrying about it.

"They were about to jump? I thought you said you saw them jump." Hoseok said in a concerned tone, looking at Namjoon with wide eyes.

Namjoon just shrugged his shoulders. 

"Well, I mean, they probably jumped right after I left, no?" He asked unsurely, because doubts were suddenly filling his mind.

The rest of the boys were looking at him with furrowed brows, and he swallowed loudly. Now that he thought about it, he had never seen anyone actually jump into that canal.

He blinked twice.

"I'm sorry, Hoseok. You asked to be the first one to jump, and I disregarded your demand. I apologize. You may jump first." Namjoon said, taking a step to the side so that Hoseok had a clear way to the platform overlooking the canal.

But Hoseok's eyes were wide now, and he took a step back in fear, shivering a little.

"No, no. You were about to go, you should just do it. I'll go after." Hoseok shifted awkwardly on his feet, waving at Namjoon to go first. 

"No, I insist." Namjoon didn't budge, also waving for Hoseok to go first.

Hoseok took another step back, now clearly frightened at the idea of jumping first. He looked at Jin and Jungkook by his side, who were looking at him curiously. 

"Maybe Jungkook should go first, he's the youngest." Hoseok pointed to Jungkook, finally and thankfully finding an escape. He didn't mind throwing his friend under the bus if it meant saving both of his legs.

Jungkook's eyes went wide.

"Uh, Hoseok Hyung, my mom will be mad if I come home with broken legs." He said awkwardly.

Jin couldn't help but laugh at that statement. Even if Jungkook was 26, he was always scared of his mom getting mad, and used it as an excuse for everything. 

Jin laughed. He realized it was the first time he had laughed in a while. It felt good, it felt different. It felt like he didn't need June to feel happiness anymore.

It felt like his life could get back on the right track one day, even if it would take a while. He would be fine, and, eventually, he would be happy. Happy, without June.