bleed me | jin ✔

S E V E N

My love,

Every morning, I wake up hoping I will meet your eyes, but I never do.

Every day, I wander around aimlessly, knowing you're not by my side.

And every night, I cry myself to sleep at the thought of never holding you in my arms, ever again.

And then I wake up, and it starts all over again.

J.

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He had been staring at his phone for an hour now, barely moving from his seat. The pink post-it was laying next to it, so bright it lit a fire in his heart.

He had been waiting three years for that moment, and now that it was happening, he was hesitating? 

Taking a deep breath, he took his phone and dialed the number.

The tone was heard a few time before she picked up.

"Hello?" He recognized her voice instantly. Last night wasn't a dream. 

"June... It's Jin." He said, because he wasn't sure what to say. 

He had so much to tell her, yet he had nothing to say.

"Oh. Jin." She said softly, and it was followed by a few seconds of silence. 

Like she didn't know what to say either.

He took in a silent breath.

"Am I bothering you?" He asked unsure of himself. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, and he was sure she could hear it on the other end of the line. 

"No, of course not." She murmured, and she sounded the same as when they used to talk in the dark for hours before they fell asleep together.

It made his heart miss a beat. That voice, it was the voice he dreamed of at night, the voice he could listen to for hours, and never get bored. It was her voice.

"How are you?" She asked softly, because he had stayed silent. 

How was he? He didn't know. He wasn't good. He hadn't been good since he left her. He had been destroyed, and his pieces were still scattered across the floor of his tiny apartment. 

But at the same time, he was good. He had been good since he'd seen her last night. However, he hadn't been mended, his pieces were still on the floor. But for the first time in three years, the pieces weren't laying lifeless. No, they were bursting up in flames, and he didn't know how to put the fire out. He didn't know if he wanted to.

"I'm good." He robotically lied, because that's been his answer for the last three years. He was good. But she knew him so well, better than he knew himself, so she would know he wasn't. "And you?" He asked somewhat nervously. 

He wasn't sure if he wanted her to be well, or if he wanted her to be shattered like him. He would never wish her pain, but somehow, he wanted, no, he needed to hear that she was also suffering. That she, too, couldn't live without him. That she, too, was a shell of herself without him.

"I'm well." She answered, and he couldn't decipher the tone of her voice. It was soft, a mix of sadness and lightness. "Would you like to meet up sometimes, maybe? So we could talk?" She went on. 

He swallowed loudly. This was it, the moment he'd been waiting for. His heart was swollen and he knew it would soon burst out of his chest. He knew he would drop everything right this instant and run to her, hugging her tightly and never letting go. But at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because what if she didn't want it? 

"Yes." He began, but his wild thoughts cut him off. His eyes flickered to the picture above his dining table, and he met her frozen eyes. "I'd like that." I'd love it more than anything, he wanted to say. 

But he didn't. He stopped there.

"Okay." She said. Her voice sounded like a rainy summer day: warm, but with a chill that went straight to your bones. "What about Wednesday? After work? Do you work?" She asked somewhat nervously. 

And at that moment, he realized how far they were from each other. 

They were in the same city. They were the same people as three years ago. But somehow, they were different. Their lives weren't the same anymore, they weren't intertwined together. They revolved around other things, new things that the other didn't know. That the other wasn't a part of. That the other didn't belong in. 

"Yes, I work for Shinhan. In finance." He answered, and it unexpectedly broke something in him. 

He thought back to the days where they would stay up all night together, talking about the future. She wanted to be an artist. He wanted to be an engineer. She wanted to live by the beach. He wanted to live near a bike path. She wanted three kids. He wanted to be by her side, forever. 

And now, three years later, none of that had come true.

"Oh. That's nice." She said to fill the silence that had once again took over. "So Wednesday? Maybe around 6? There's this cafe near Hapjeon station..." 

"Yes, that's good." He breathed out. He wondered if she lived near Hapjeon.

"Okay. I'll see you then." She answered. "Bye." She murmured, and then the line cut.