bleed me | jin ✔

E L E V E N

My love,

When will you come back to me?

I'm waiting. I've been waiting for years now. It's all I do: I wait. And when I'll be done waiting, I'll wait some more. 

I'll wait until you come back.

When will you come back to me? 

Will you come back to me?

Will you come back at all?

J.

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He shook his head at his thoughts. 

No.

No. No. No.

It wasn't over for them. 

He had waited three years for this moment, and now she was in front of him. They weren't over, they were just about to start again. 

Right?

He somehow found the courage to raise his eyes again, knowing what he would see in hers. Knowing she would be looking at him with a light of anger in them, because she wanted to talk about something and he didn't want to hear it.

He had always been good at avoiding problems, and it drove her mad.

But when he met her gaze, the light that he expected wasn't there. Instead, he saw something even worst.

A wall. 

He could see it in her eyes, in her posture, on her lips. It was a wall, slowly but forcefully being built around her. She was pouring the cement and laying the bricks, one by one.

And all he could do was stare as the wall grew taller and taller. 

He felt like throwing up. 

But he didn't. Instead, he forced his lips apart and let the words flow out of the mouth she used to kiss.

"June..." He swallowed loudly. "It was bad, okay? I don't want to relive this part of my life. The only good thing in there was my friend Yoongi, but he doesn't even call me anymore because he's so busy. So there's nothing good to tell." He insisted. 

He wanted that wall to be destroyed before it could cement even more.

She looked down as she nodded slowly. 

He sighted silently. This wasn't going the way he thought it would. The way he hoped it would. 

He had hoped that they would talk, and that the spark they use to have would lit up again instantly. He had hoped they could forget about those three years, perhaps act like those years didn't happen. Like the worst period of his life didn't happen.

Yes, he was definitely good at avoiding problems. 

But she was not.

"You know, I thought you were dead." She was still looking down, like the cup in her hands was the most heartbreaking thing she had seen today. Her voice sounded sad, so sad it seemed on the verge of breaking down. 

He didn't answer, because he felt there was more she wanted to say, and after a minute she went on.

"For the two years you were in there, I'd read the news every morning. And every once in a while, they had this report of soldiers dying while on duty. But they never said their names. And every time, I'd fear that it was you. That you were dead."

She closed her eyes, trying to prevent the tears from falling. And her voice went weaker as she went on.

"Every single day, it drove me mad, not knowing if you were alive or not. Not knowing if you'd ever come back or not. I had to mourn you, Jin, even if you probably weren't dead. I had to bury you in my mind, and I forced myself to grieve, so that I wouldn't go insane trying to figure out if you were dead or not. Do you know how hard it is to mourn someone when there's no death?"

Her last words were a mere whisper, but they were powerful enough to reach across the distance between them and scatter his heart in a million pieces. 

She was silently sobbing by now, her eyes still closed, like she was trying to hold it in, to hold it together. 

But he didn't want her to hold it together. He wanted to be the one holding it together, for her.

So he did the thing he used to do when she cried, all those years ago: he reached over the table and crashed her head against his chest, holding her close.

He held her close as she let the tears fall, the tears she'd been holding for too long.

She cried as he slowly exhaled.

The wall had fallen, but it wasn't a wall. It was a dam.