bleed me | jin ✔

T W E L V E

My love,

I broke my arm today. At the hospital, they asked how much pain I was in: 0 for nothing, and 10 for the worst pain I've ever felt. 

Even if it hurt so much I felt I could die, I couldn't answer 10. Because it was nowhere near the pain I felt when I realized I would never see you again.

My broken arm, I know it will heal. The other wound, I fear it won't. 

J.

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Three days later

From Jungkook: (14:44) Hyung, how are you? What's happening with you?

From Jungkook: (14:46) It's been a week since my birthday, did you call June? What happened?

From Jungkook: (14:53) Hyung, please tell me. Whatever it is, I'm here for you.

From Jungkook: (15:28) You can't avoid me forever, I know where you live.

Jin rolled his eyes at the last message. Like Jungkook would ever show up at his apartment. The last time Jungkook tried to visit, he got lost trying to exit the subway station, had his phone dying on him, and ended up at a homeless shelter to call Jin for directions. But he couldn't understand the directions, so Jin had to go and collect him at the shelter. 

To Jungkook: (15:30) I'm fine.

And he was fine. Truly. For the first time in a while, it wasn't a lie.

He was having another date with June tonight. Well, it wasn't a date per se. More of a meeting like they had three days ago. 

That one had somewhat ended abruptly when the café they were in had closed at 8PM. June had been sobbing for an hour and a half by then, Jin holding her as she let the tears fall endlessly. When the café owner had made it clear that they were about to close, Jin had stood up along with June still in his arms. He wanted to hold her still.

But she had taken a step back, and dried the tears on her cheeks. She had smiled through her sadness, and made her way outside slowly, as if every step was a decision in itself. 

And when they had reached the street, she had looked into his eyes with her wide, sad ones. Her lips had parted and she had pronounced the words that made him rise with hope.

"I have to go, but let's talk again, okay? Saturday, maybe?" 

And now here he was, Saturday afternoon, waiting for 6PM so he could go and meet her again. 

He felt a mix of excitement and numbness. 

Excitement, because he would see her again. Because they would talk again. Because they'd be side by side, again.

And numbness, because he wasn't sure what they would talk about, this time. Because last time, she had showed him her pain. Her pain, that seemed so raw and deep. And yet, he knew he only saw the tip of the iceberg.

Her iceberg of pain and sorrow. 

It had reminded him that he, too, had an iceberg. An iceberg that perhaps was bigger than hers, because it was filled with the same pain, but it also carried the burden of responsibility and the weight of guilt.

He hated his iceberg. He hated that it existed, that it was so big he didn't have room for anything else, and that he couldn't just ignore it, no matter how much he wanted to. 

He had tried to forget about it for three years, and now he wished it would just melt, like hers had started to when her tears fell.

But if it would melt, perhaps it would create something even worst. Something he feared all along. Something he didn't want to see.

That if there was no iceberg, perhaps there was no June. 

And if there was no June, perhaps there was nothing. 

Those were his last thoughts before he looked at the clock and realized he would be late if he didn't get ready soon.

So he got up from his bed he'd been laying on since the morning, got dressed and tried to fix his hair, failing miserably. 

But he still liked it, because at least it wasn't shaven. 

Grabbing his phone, he exited his apartment and quickly reached the subway, squeezing himself into an full car. 

When he got out at Myeongdong Station, there she was, standing in the middle of the platform, waiting for him.

And he felt it heart tighten, because she was beautiful and magnificent, and it reminded him that she was the most amazing thing that ever was his.