Serendipity 2 JHope and Jimin

Part 10

Jimin

I didn't sleep well that night, and it didn't help that the nurses came in every hour to take my blood pressure again. When morning came, and breakfast arrived I pushed it aside and told them I felt sick and wasn't hungry, which wasn't a complete lie, I honestly couldn't face food right at that moment. My mum turned up later in the morning with a fresh change of clothes and my toothbrush, she sat by my bed and chatted away about nothing in particular, and I just let the flow of her words wash over me. She knew I wasn't really listening, but she just kept talking and allowed me to close my eyes and zone out.

When lunch arrived I again pushed it aside, but this time mum was there, and she was having none of that.

"Jimin Please. Just a bite or two? "

"I'm not hungry"

"It's not about being hungry anymore, its about fuelling your body to live you silly boy"

"Mum honestly I do eat when I'm hungry, i just don't have a large appetite"

"Rubbish! You've always had a hearty appetite. Plus, you're a dancer Jimin which is just like an athlete, you need to eat."

The argument went back and forth for almost an hour, until one of the kitchen staff came and took the tray away. The Doctor arrived not long after that and I had to have an ultrasound on my heart and some more blood tests, I felt like a pin cushion by the time they had finished. I asked if I could go home about a million times, but they always just said not until my blood pressures is better.

I called Yuna and told her I wouldn't be at practice, and I could hear the disappointment in her voice, but she understood and said we still had some time and we could just practice harder as soon as I got home. I fell asleep in the late afternoon and when I woke they were just bringing around dinner. I wished mum would just go home now but she seemed determined to stay and watch me eat something. I knew I couldn't get out of it again, so I took the most miniscule mouthful I could, and she watched me chew it up. I felt disgusting after that, so I pushed the tray aside again and said I was going to take a shower

I got all my things out and went to the bathroom. I ran the hot water and stood under it for a minute letting the warm water soothe me. I felt like this was the first time I had been alone without anyone watching my every move for a long time. But I couldn't stand there for long, I had work to do. I started with jumping jacks, and then jogging on the spot until I could hardly breathe. When I was done I got dressed and went back out. Mum was just packing up to go home and get dinner for Jihyun and dad.

"Ill see you tomorrow Jimin"

"Mum you don't have to come every day and sit here all day you know"

"I know. but I want to"

And she kissed my forehead and squeezed my hand before leaving

I slept a little better that night and in the morning when mum arrived the doctor returned and took a seat beside my bed.

"Jimin the nurses tell me you haven't been eating your meals"

"I'm just not hungry, and to be blunt hospital food sucks" I tried to joke with him but he didn't smile

"Jimin its not a joking matter" my mum said swatting my leg on the bed

"Mrs Park, Jimin, we have done all our tests and from what we have discovered Jimin's heat muscle is damaged and he is seriously undernourished, he has anaemia, cardiac arrhythmia and bradycardia, all of these tell us that Jimin has an eating disorder.

"What? "

"Oh Jimin" my mother's eyes were filled with tears "What exactly is an eating disorder?" she asked

"To put it bluntly Jimin is starving himself. You might know it by its more common name. anorexia nervosa. "

She drew in a sharp breath she knew exactly what that was.

"How do we fix it?" she asked

"We can't I'm afraid Mrs park, the only one who can is Jimin. However, we can offer some help. An eating disorder is a mental illness not a physical one, and it needs to be treated as such. We have an excellent adolescent mental health unit right here in the hospital,l where he can be treated with counselling and therapy."

"And he would have to stay there for how long?"

"There is no set limit, it just depends on his recovery, and again its all up to Jimin. They will also monitor his eating, there will be somebody with him at all meal times, and if he still refuses to eat we will tube feed him. And I assure you Jimin it is not a pleasant experience."

I had sat through the discussion without saying a word, but I couldn't keep quiet any longer

"And what if I don't want to go there?"

"Well that's not your decision any longer, you're a minor so it is up to your mother to decide"

"I agree wholeheartedly with you doctor, if his health and particularly his heart, is in trouble then I will sign whatever it takes"

"And I get no say at all?" I was so angry

"No son. I don't care if you hate me. or never speak to me again, I'm signing you over to this program. "

"Mum please don't do this?"

"Jimin I love you, and I would like more than anything to pick you up and take you home right now, But I am your mother not your friend. Its my job to keep you safe and healthy, and I have failed. So It's time for me to step back and allow people who really can help you get better to do so"

She was really crying now, and her words were echoing in my head, I failed I failed I failed. I reached out for hand

"Mum I'm sorry I'm really sorry, you haven't failed I have." I sighed and looked at her "I'll go mum, I'll do it.

When she left just after lunch they came and put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me over to the adolescent mental health unit. I was scared and had to fight the voices in my head calling me fat and useless ,but they just got louder and louder, as if they knew that their time with me was now limited.