Serendipity 2 JHope and Jimin

Part 11

JHope

The next morning Jiwoon returned and sat by my bed chatting away. I knew I had frightened her, and I felt the remorse like a burning orb in my chest. We only had each other, and we needed each other. I loved her, and I hated seeing her hurt like this. I had been reckless, and I needed to fix it for her sake. By lunchtime I was feeling really ill again, I was shaking and trembling, and my head was pounding, I realised straight away that I was experiencing withdrawal from the pills, and that all I could do was endure. By dinner time my body was screaming for just one of those pills, and I would literally have killed someone for one at that point. I lay on my side in the bed crying, shaking and trembling like a leaf. It was ugly and painful, and I just wanted to die.

"Hoseok what can I do?" Jiwoon was crying and pleading with me to help her help me

"Leave Jiwoon"

"I'm not leaving you like this"

"Please Jiwoon, I'm in a hospital I'll be ok, I just need you to leave please. I don't want you to see me like this" I knew it was probably hurting her just as much as it was hurting me.

"I'm going to get the doctor" and she ran out of the room

When she returned with a doctor in tow, I was still moaning and trembling on the bed and couldn't even roll over to look at them.

"Hoseok the doctors here now" she said through her tears

"Hoseok how are you feeling?" he asked

"How does it look like I'm feeling?" I couldn't help it, it was such a stupid question at that point

"What you are going through is withdrawal from the pills you were taking. It will last a while, and it will be painful and difficult. But if you can get through it, you will be one step closer to recovery.

"Can you not give him something to help?"

"I'm afraid not, this is a process he has to endure. We got the test results back and his liver has suffered some significant damage and isn't functioning as it should. Fortunately, it will repair itself as long as he stays off those pills."

"I'll make sure he does" she sounded very determined

"Its not as simple as that. Addiction is a serious mental illness, and generally has an underlying reason. I would like to speak to your parents about admitting him to our adolescent mental health unit. It has excellent therapy and phycological programs, and I think it would benefit your brother immensely"

"My parents are overseas, and I haven't been able to contact them"

"Just do it" I moaned from my bed "Can't I admit myself?"

"How old are you Hoseok?"

"I'm sixteen"

"Hmmm, ill check into the legalities and see if I can sort something out."

"Thank you, doctor "Jiwoon said

As soon as he left she sat down and took my hand again.

"I'm here Hoseok, and I'm not leaving. You squeeze me hand or scream if you feel like it, I don't care. We will get you through this together you and I, and when your well again we will survive whatever we have to together. I want to see you with a smile full of sunshine and feeling hopeful again. I want to see you dance again."

It took almost two days for me to feel anything like normal again. Jiwoon had been with me the whole time, sleeping in the chair beside my bed when she could. The doctor came back on the second day, and told us that he had been checking into it all, and because he recommended me as an urgent admission, I was able to get into the unit without him having to speak with my parents. In the end Jiwoon managed to get in contact, although she said the connection was very bad. She told them what was happening and passed the phone to the doctor. I heard him explaining the situation to them and then he passed it the back to her. He said they had given him verbal permission to admit me, and I wondered what they were thinking about me at this point. Jiwoon was wearing an expression of absolute disgust when she hung up

"What is it?" I asked her

"Nothing don't worry about it"

"Jiwoon, you don't make a face like that over nothing"

"I just thought they might come back that's all"

"We both know that's not going to happen, but that's not what that face was about tell me"

She sighed and took my hand again

"Father asked me to ensure that it didn't get into the media" she looked down as if she was the one in the wrong

"I expected something like that anyway. His reputation, his perfect family, and my role as the perfect son, are more important to him than anything else, we both know that"

"I'm sorry Hoseok"

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I didn't notice what was going on with you. I knew you put on this big act and pretended you didn't care about anything, but I never realised you were hurting so much inside. I should have been there for you more"

"Don't Jiwoon. This is my fault and mine alone. But I promise you I will get better. I'll do this program, and I'll do whatever they say I have to, and I will come home, and we will survive this all together. "

She gave me a weak smile and squeezed my hand. In the late afternoon they came for me and put me in a wheelchair to transfer me across to the adolescent mental health unit. I said goodbye to my sister, and off we went. I saw the doors to the unit in front of me, and my stomach knotted up, but it was too late to back out now, besides I promised my sister, and more importantly I made a promise to myself. I was going to beat this, and I was going to be who I was when I got home. No more pretending, no more being someone I really wasn't. it was time for the real Jung Hoseok to come out.