Serendipity 2 JHope and Jimin

Part 15

Jimin

"Hi Jimin"

"What do you want Sehun?"

I couldn't believe my eyes. What was he doing here? In that one second of recognition, I felt all the happiness of the last month or so slipping away, and the old feelings of self-hatred and disgust came back in a rush. I tightened my grip on Hoseok's hand and stepped forward.

"I ran into your brother and he told me you were here"

"What do you want?" I said it louder this time

"Please... Jimin.... I just want to talk to you. I promise I'm not here to hurt you or upset you"

"Your being here upsets me, and I have nothing to say to you"

"I know I don't deserve it, but please can I just have five minutes?"

Hoseok squeezed my hand as if to let me know he was still there. I had an idea why he was here, and I had thought I could help him once, but after everything I had accomplished in here. I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to that place. Then I remembered our old friendship. and what I had felt like keeping my secrets for so long and I sighed

"You have five minutes and Hoseok's staying"

"OK. Thank You"

I led him over to the dining area and we all sat down.

"Go. You don't have long" I said without smiling

"Jimin. Mostly I wanted to apologise. I am so so sorry that I did what I did to you. I have no excuse, no explanation I can give you that would justify any of it. But I wanted to come and see you and at least tell you the honest truth. "

"I know what the truth is Sehun. I guessed it ages ago"

He looked down at the table and when he looked at me again I just stared straight back at him.

"I couldn't help it. I was frightened. I started to feel things for you that I never should have. You were a guy, and my best friend, but every time I looked at you it was the same....... feeling......like...like.... I was infatuated by you. I dreamed about you at night and watched you all the time. So, after that summer I had to make it stop, that's why I stopped seeing you and hanging out with other people and ignoring you"

"And pushing me around and calling me names and spitting on me and kicking me .... shall I keep going?"

"No.... I thought if I was mean to you and picked on you It would all go away, and I could go back to normal. But it didn't work. Every time I saw you I just wanted to touch you and be around you."

"You made me feel dirty do you know that? You made me feel like I was a piece of dirt "

"I know, and I can't say sorry enough, really I can't. But I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know what was happening to me or why I was feeling this way. "

"You could have just come and spoken to me. "

"Yeah well I wasn't exactly thinking rationally at that point. My parents asked me all the time why I didn't see you anymore, and I was terrified they would guess. I spent every day pretending. I was scared, so scared, that they would find out what kind of son they had. "

"You've known about my sexuality since we were eleven years old, you were the only person on the planet that I ever told. You could have come and spoken to me"

"Like I said I wasn't rational at the time."

"Is that it then? Are you done?"

"No, I just have one last thing to say" and suddenly there were tears streaming down his face. "If I could change how thigs turned out I would in a heartbeat, but I know that's impossible. I understand that you hate me now, and I don't blame you, I don't like myself much. But I was wondering if you would give me the chance to somehow make it up to you? I mean, come visit you and talk with you sometime. "