But Do You Love Me?

chapter five : How did things change so fast?

I've been awake since 1:15 am. Its now 2am in the and the only thing i can think about is whether im pregnant or not. How can i cope with a child when my family are struggiling. My mum works full time, my dad is useless, and my little sister stays at my aunties house most of the time. Chris has been blowing up my phone with calls and messages. I feel bad. I told him i may be pregnant and then started to avoid him.

*9 hours later*

Jennifer and Laurelle are finally awake. I tell them how i feel about me potentially being pregnant and they support and offer me advice. We're gonna get ready to go and buy a pregancy test and as im in the shower i think of everything bad. "My lifes a mess, my boyfriend doesnt care about me, my parents are struggiling... i could be pregnant." I let that thought sink in... I, Mica Terashe, could be pregnant. Im finishing college in a month. Where am i going to get the money from? Tears start to build up in my eyes. Normally i hold them back, but today i cant. I have to let them out. Being physically in pain isnt as bad as being emotionally in pain. When your physically hurt, you can numb the pain. However, when your emotionally hurt its different. You cant numb the pain, it just gets stronger and stronger. I cant handle this.

I get out the shower and go to wash my face to hide that i was crying. I get dressed and go downstairs to meet the girls so we can have breakfast and buy the test.

Now that we've finished eating, we're going to buy the test. As we're on our way, im so nervous. Im literally shaking! We pull up, i asked Jennifer to buy it because one of my family members work in Walmart.
10 minutes later she comes out with a small bag in her hand. She gets in the car and hands it to me. Holding this in my hands just made me realise how serious things are.

Im sitting here on the toilet listening to Laurelle and Jennifer comfort me through the door:

"Come on Meesh, you can do it. I doubt your pregnant anyways" says Laurelle

"Wtf Laurelle, you doubt she's pregnant? Who says that at this time?" Jennifer says in a harsh whispering voice.

I open the box staring down at it, just before i wee on it, i pray:

"Lord, please, dont let me be pregnant. You know im not ready for a baby. Chris isnt ready either... i dont think he ever will be. Amen

I wee on it. As i walk out of the bathroom i feel like things are going to go spiralling down in the next 30 minutes.

It says we have to wait 10 minutes. Two lines im pregnant. One and im not. 10 minutes have passed... Jennifer walks over to her dressing table and pick it up. She stares at it and looks at me. She looks at Laurelle.

"Here you go" Jennifer hands it to me

"Im... im going to be a mother! Im pre.. pregn... PREGNANT!"

I fall to the ground and cry helplessly. I cant believe this. My tears are like rushing waterfalls, they wont stop.
Im a good girl i go to college, i help my mummy, im a good friend and girlfriend... and now im pregnant?

*CHRIS' PERSPECTIVE*

So Mica calls me, tells me she wasnt on the pill when we had sex. I try calling her back and she's airing me. I message her and shes airing me. What do i do?

Im not ready for a child, i dont even think im ready for our relationship. She wants me to be this perfect little boy, with no money and always wants to be with her. Sorry, no. I just wanna make money with Markus. Dont get me wrong, i love her. But i can admit, its not like i used to. I just feel like if i let her go, i wont get her back; and i want her in my life. I just need to prioratise things first. I think im gonna tell her that we should go on a break.
Should i call her. Actually no, lemme got to her house.

*MICA'S PERSPECTIVE*

Laurelle and Jennifer are dropping me home. Even though i dont want to be alone tonight, i need some space to think. We pull up, i say good bye and walk in my house. As soon as i walk in, my parents are arguing and my sister crying. I take hold of my Jannele's hand and brung her to my room to put her to sleep. When she's finally asleep, i call my mum into my room and tell her everything. My mums like my bestfriend, theres not a day that goes by that i dont call or message her.

"Mummy, sit down"

"Okay darling whats wrong. Have you been crying" she says as she rubs my eyes

"Mummy, im scared. I dont know what to do or what to say" i say crying

"Baby just speak to me..."

" Im, im, im pregnant"

"WHAT? Mica, nows not the time to play with me you know"

"Mummy im serious!"

"Whos the father?"

"Chris. Chris is the father"

"Does he know"

"I havent told him yet, well i sorta hinted it but not fully"

"What do you me..."

*POST BOX FLAPS LOUDLY ON MY DOOR*

Who's that? I peek outside and see Chris. As soon as i see him i run downstairs and open the door. I dont give him a chance to say anything.

"Chris, im pregnant"