I have only admitted to a few people that I like girls. Only one friend was surprised, which is all the irony considering she is the one I grew up with. Which is fine, but quite strange.
I have short hair, and it took years and years od pleading to convince my mother to let me chop off the curly brown locks; and I have never been happier for that. I truly hated having long hair and short hair brought me so much joy. Obviously now I get stereotyped all the time. Getting called, "the dyke with short hair", to the "short lesbian". Neither of which are aware of my sexual preferences, but that is what having a pixie does to you *shrug*.
I wish it were as simply as pretending that I like men, but for some reason girls love the topic of sex. Jokes, I totally understand. But I am at loss when asked about what I find hot in men. It isn't that I can't pick out one attractive man from the next, it simply is because the answers the girls want it what kind of dick I want and ethnicity /race. And I just freeze when that comes up. Because I find it so hard and I feel super vulnerable when it's spoken about; does that even make sense? At all?
So I've taken to adressing myself as asexual and aromantic to avoid any sort of conversation revolving sexual orientation. Saying that is safe, to say the least. But I barely can contain myself when I see an attractive woman. It's pathetic that I can't hold it in, and when I do it's horrifically obvious by my constant staring and muttering, "My God, that girl is hot. Damn, she's so fine." And if the people I'm with are kind they'll ignore it and pretend to have not heard. And if they are naive they'll ask me, "So....you aren't into girls, huh?" Honestly, it isn't that hard to deflect suspicion. Because girls are often checking each other out purely from jealous compulsion. But I'm not like that and my friends know it. Mostly because I'm not like other girls. I'm a girl who is obsessed with looking like a boy and can't help but let out a low whistle when a nice looking check chick walks by. Particularly if she's swaying her hips.
What the fuck.
Ignore me please.
YOU ARE READING
Am I Transgender or Lesbian
Non-FictionI guess this is less of a story and more of a journal. I'm going nuts in my head with my sexuality and aspects of my life and past, so I may as well get it out on the screen.
