Does it make sense to be a self-hating queer, yet support the LGTBQ+ a hundred percent?
I hate myself for being attracted to women. It drives me crazy that I can't be the 'normal' boy-obsessed girl. I am definitely not saying that to entice hate, I completely support the community; I am just not acceptant of myself.
Is that odd or fairly normal? I have transgender, genderfluid, bisexual, gay, and lesbian friends. And I have no problem with it. Heck, there's nothing to defend. I just have an issue with myself. Maybe I am making a big deal out of it, who knows. When people guess that I like girls I panic, and roll my eyes when they don't. I only told a few people. And it freaking terrified me to have to say it out loud. I've never called myself by a label out loud, I think it would just make the reality that much more bitter. I've only ever said the basic, "I like girls", and I've never said anything further than that.
I can't properly hate my sexual preference, simply because I can't help it. And God knows how hard I've tried to deny the facts.
It's a stupid metaphor, but I can't think of any other way to explain it:
It's as if I liked spinach, but since no one else likes spinach and it would be considered an abnormality, I would keep my taste buds to myself. And I may not want to like it but I love it because I can't help nor control it but I'm sure as he'll going to hide it from everyone else.
Yes, I know. It's a sucky comparison, but it's all I got for now.
Yes, I am aware that I am not alone. I know that there are millions of men and women and they's and it's that are also attracted to the female species. However, that doesn't make me feel better. At all.
It's like a breaking a leg. Sure, it's nice to have the moral support. But it's not healing it to have others know of its condition.
I suck butt at metaphors, in case no one noticed.
I think that the hate that queers get is horrendous and frankly revolting, and I completely understand the love is love consept. But still, on and again, I can't help but wish like hell I was straight.
And I can't even properly hate myself for it, after all, "spinach", to me, is delicious.
YOU ARE READING
Am I Transgender or Lesbian
Non-FictionI guess this is less of a story and more of a journal. I'm going nuts in my head with my sexuality and aspects of my life and past, so I may as well get it out on the screen.
