Am I Transgender or Lesbian

Awakened emotions

I never knew that I could become emotionally attached to a garment. And strongly at that.

Recently, my family got a new cleaning lady, and she's been misplacing everything of everyone's. But because she does my room nicely and I've only been missing a couple of things, I let it slide.

However, for the past week. My binder has gone missing. I looked everywhere high and low, every single place I could think of. And my  reaction was completely out of character for myself and totally unexpected.
I freaked out.
Which in all honesty is a big deal for me. In general, I'm quite levelheaded and calm and collected. But from when I realized it was missing, everything started to play in slow motion.

First was the initial panic which quickly turned into nervous giggling which led into full blown hysterical laughter as to why tears were suddenly pricking at my eyes and my heart freaking out and my brain screaming at it to be logical while my arms mechanically sifted through the laundry why I struggled to breath as I shook.
Yep.
In a nutshell.
And when I did find it?
I curled up on the floor with it just holding it tightly against me.

What the hell is wrong with me.

Is this normal?
That my brain started go haywire at the thought of having to wear a bra?
That I had actually briefly considered not going to college because I didn't want to go out without my binder?
That I was shaking and having a mental breakdown from uncertainty of where it was?
That I nearly burst into tears from the fear of having lost it?

What is it.

Does anyone else experience it?

I'm not an emotional person by nature, and this incident threw me off so bad from the unusualness of the situation. I'm still a bit shook from it.

I never knew how important this was to me.
That I don't project myself as feminine.
And how ashamed I was to be out in public, with my breasts evident.
And how repulsed I was by the idea that I may have had to wear a bra.

I don't know.

I just don't know.