Am I Transgender or Lesbian

Questioning

I wonder if gender identify insecurities go hand in hand with depression,  anxiety,  anger, and all of the negative emotions.
I consider myself a happy go lucky person on the outside,  but I know that I am very dark and prone to harmful and toxic thoughts inside of me.
I know that because of the things that  I write and how I express my emotions, which isn't hard to guess how I deal with them.

Think mutilation and bruised knuckles.

I read a lot of personal stories, people's struggles of dysphoria, and I find that a reaccuring theme in their sagas is lots of self doubt and hate and depression and anxiety.  I wouldn't peg myself as a particularly anxious person,  but can definitely vouch for the depression part. Which I'm not sure if it has to do with my sexuality but it is probably a part of it.

Is it possible to be depressed for an extended period of time? Looking back, 9th grade is when my depression really began. I say, 'really', because it hit me hard; really, really, hard.
As for extended period,  I am a year out of high school and my tendencies, though changed, the inclination is just as strong.

I get asked a lot where my family is in all this,  and the answer is; they aren't. Family is not one of my priorities, unfortunately. They have never been a big part of me, though they have played an enormous part in my depression.  If that makes any sense at all.

A question that has always fascinated me:
What do you live for?
It's a question I have pondered on many times, and have always drawn up a blank.
I don't live for a potential family, I don't want to get married;  ever.
I don't live for current family;  at all.
I don't live for career;  I try not to think that far.
I don't live for anything. Simply put, there is nothing in this world that I enjoy enough to keep living for.
Sure, my friends are a large part of me. But I am a big believer in the fact that life goes on, people move on, eventually you will be forgotten unless you contributed something significant to the human race which in that case you will be put in a textbook,  not something I strive for.

But at the end of the day, I Have lived for my friends. I feel it would be so selfish of me to go and kill myself even though I am in pain. Leaving those I care about behind in guilt and anguish. I can't do that to those I care about.
Which is funny enough,  just because my caring is mostly numbed by indifference.

And I wonder, would it make a difference to them, to those I care about,  if they knew what kind of freak I was. Of the sexuality I prefer, and of what my identity consists, or lack of.