Am I Transgender or Lesbian

One step closer

This week I got my first binder, and I couldn't be happier.
I feel as if this is the running 'gag' for many transsexuals, ftm; that no one buys the binder themselves. Rather, a friend will order it for them. This happened to me, and I am deeply grateful that my friend did so.

Putting it on in itself was excitement and coutiousness put together. Some fear that my breasts would show too much despite the restraint, and anticipation that at least one thing on my list of traits I'd like to either be owned or gotten rid of to be checked off.
And it did not disappoint.

If there were only the words I could use to describe my joy, I would. But I'm kind of at a loss for words, I am just so, so, so happy.
Sure, it looks a bit like a uniboob, but I don't care. At all.

I definitely encourage people to do thorough research into their binder of choice before they buy it. It is easy to buy cheap, but the quality will not be good. I can't stress enough how important it is that you pay more for a good binder; in the long run, it will last longer and you will have better health. Doing research also includes finding out what material it is, and how it will hold your chest tightly.
You can end up with lung problems, trouble breathing, spinal injury, and/or cracked ribs if not bought or worn correctly. Take all necessary precautions before wearing one, and do not wear it too often as it can damage the breast tissue. Do not sleep wearing it, and not for more than eight hours at a time. It can really be harmful if not worn correctly.

Of course, there is the option of getting surgery. Personally, I will not be getting it, at least not now. Seeing my breasts bother me a large amount, but I don't think I can remove them for family reasons. They would flip out and say all sorts of things I'd rather not discuss in this chapter.
It's really good to have a supportive group of friends, and if you don't have any, there are hundreds of communities and people who are more than willing to listen and to speak to. Such as instagram safe spaces, online sites, hotlines, and here on wattpad. Feel free to message me at any time with questions or whatever you want, I love making friends and speaking to people
(-animals too obviously).

I do have a very large group of friends belonging to the LGBTQA+ community, but they only have a vague idea that I am one of them. I'm very closet and even the friend who got the binder for me is only informed to the minimum. I don't really know why I'm so private about it to my friends, but I think it is just the discomfort in myself, less not trusting them. Because I do, but if they screw up in front of my family by discussing anything about me, then it will be the end of the world as I know it.

I mean, as it is, I don't really have set pronouns. I just go by she/her. Hopefully one day when I can look, act, and project myself as I wish, then I will let people just assume my gender.

And hopefully, if it isn't too much to wish for, hopefully, just maybe, people will take me as a male upon interaction without having to ask.