Princess Can Fight |✓

Chapter 28: Today I did something terrible.

Today I did something terrible.

I was supposed to regret something like this. Feel a little guilty maybe? I should feel something! Hell anything?

Anything but this cold darkness that's just keeps growing and growing and growing within me!

I wanted to scream. But I couldn't. Because they'd know something was wrong. The fact that I felt nothing after what I did hurt so much more than I imagined the guilt would.

"Austin?" I whispered.

"It's okay Princess, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere." He caressed my shoulder and landed a kiss on my cheek.

I don't know how he learnt to deal with his lack of guilt in two short weeks when all that's consumed me through his ordeal of a time has been my apathy.

"Austin-- I'm sorry." A part of me thought he deserved every bit of it, but the rest of me was convinced that he had done nothing to be treated this way.

"No, no, Belle it's okay, you don't have to apologise for anything. I knew what I was doing. I knew what it meant. I know how much you mean to me-- and I know how much I care about you."

"Hey, is everything okay?" He asked wiping away a stray tear from my cheek.

"N-No. I'm fine." I whispered. 

Two weeks.

Two weeks spent manipulating Austin Prince.

Austin was weak. Unsure of himself. I couldn't let that opportunity get away. So I used it to my advantage. I stayed with him and did everything in my power to make him feel like he wasn't the monster he was afraid he had become.

The fact that I felt the same way helped me pick out the exact words I wanted to hear. I even imagined what Brad would've said to me if I told him how I felt and rephrased it for Austin's ears.

I knew it all had to come from me now.

Brad was right.

At least he was about that.

"Izabelle talk to me?" He sat up and pushed back his messy bed hair.

"What?" I whispered.

"You look shaken up, you know you can talk to me about whatever's bothering you, right?" He squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile.

He was still not completely over the shock of what had happened and nightmares were a common occurrence but he was coping. Considering what he saw, I'd say he was doing alright.

"Austin?"

"Yeah?"

"How much longer are we going to have to stay here?" I sighed.

"Ah-- I don't know, but I'll tell you what I do know, we're safe here--"

"But we're not home Austin. I--I want to go home. I want to see James again." This part wasn't a lie. I missed James. I missed him terribly. James was family. And right now I could use some family.

"It's going to be okay." He said something about his sisters after that but I didn't pay too much attention to it. The more I knew about him the more I'd hate myself for doing this.

"Hey Belle?" He squeezed my hand again. I blinked back fake, very convincing tears. "It's all going to be okay." He cupped my cheek and kissed the tip of my nose.

A sense of satisfaction nearly brought a smile to my eyes. It was working. I was doing exactly what he did to me and unlike him, I felt nothing remotely close to guilt.