Princess Can Fight |✓

Chapter 45: Epilogue

"Princess." He murmured, drowsily.

"You didn't tell me you quit."

He was, understandably, surprised. It woke him up.

"You weren't supposed to know." He said, soft faced.

I nodded.

"I can't say I didn't expect it." I said. "What pushed you over the edge?"

"Uh--it just didn't matter anymore."

"So you're like Prince then? Weak?"

"I wouldn't say Prince is weak."

"I would." I shrugged.

"You know Princess--I don't know what you went through, I don't know how bad it was but you have to let someone in. Eventually." He almost sounded like he really meant that. 

"Does it feel like I'm not letting you in?"

"Not me Princess." He didn't have it in him to deal with my mind, I can't say I blame him.

"You know there's nothing in me. But with you--I felt something--you saw something. You saw me feel--you made me feel and now it's gone. You're all the memory I have left of it." Honesty came easily. It didn't matter what he thought of me. It didn't matter how horrible I was. He'd still feel the same pathetic affection he felt for the girl he loved.

Maybe it wouldn't always be that strong or that destructive. But it would always exist.

Austin wasn't obligated to feel for me.

But the sweet boy lying next to me felt bound by some sort of fucked up connection.

He had to feel.

He had to love me.

"I quit because there was no way I'd find purpose if I kept doing something that meant nothing to me anymore. I can't explain it really. It just felt like I was doing something purely for the physicality of it." He was beginning to understand himself.

"You care about being alive now?" He wasn't the kind of person I expected that kind of behaviour from.

A weird kind of desperation to live. Something uncomfortable but simultaneously--easy.

"Ironic, isn't it? It's oddly selfish."

"It's human." I found myself whispering.

"Were we ever supposed to be that?" He chuckled.

I snorted,

He took a light puff from the cigarette he had been holding on to.

It was unhealthy. Just like the two of us wrapped together.

We were becoming dependant on each other for this weird kind of affection.

"No. I don't suppose we were." I smiled.

He could do that now. Make me smile like I actually meant it.

His fingers briefly entwined themselves with mine, leaving a kiss on my cheek.

"Austin's going to get a whiff of it." He whispered, taking another puff of his cigarette.

"He's not going to be here for a while."

"He'll smell it on you Princess. I know I would."

"That's the difference between the two of you."

"Since we've already established the fact that you feel nothing, why play Austin along?" He shrugged.

"Because it makes him happy." I had gone over this in my head. I knew why I was doing this. I understood at least some part of it. Maybe not enough to convince myself that this was right, but that didn't really matter.