Princess Can Fight |✓

Chapter 34: I didn't want Austin Prince to hate me.

The reason I tried to manipulate Brad and Austin was because I wanted to see them as the most vulnerable, broken versions of themselves. Just to get what I needed. I don't know, maybe at one point I really wanted to hurt them, maybe I felt like hurting them would make me feel a little better?

I didn't feel any better.

And now I'm vulnerable. I'm broken. Austin gets to watch as I cling on to him while crying my heart out.

I felt like I had failed myself. I had failed James-- maybe he did kill my parents, but he raised me. I couldn't be mad at him for something I may have had, because I know that what he did for me doesn't change. I wanted to confront him but I couldn't hold that against him. Nothing changed the fact that now he was my family-- and I felt like I owed it to him to be a good person. At least a half decent one.

I wasn't even that anymore.

I was a monster. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just a monster.

The guilt should've made me feel more human but it didn't. It just reminded me of what I had become.

Brad was right. I am a disgrace. To the person I was before this.

I couldn't get myself to stop crying. It felt like the only human thing about me and I didn't want it to leave.

Feeling human was so much harder now. When I knew that at any given moment I could end up as the monster.

"You're going to have to fight it Princess." He pressed his lips to my head. "It's going to be hard but I know you can do it," he wasn't making anything better.

He was trying. But there was really nothing he could do to make this better.

"Hey, I've got you, alright? It's going to be okay."

"I'm a monster." Saying it out loud just made it that much more real.

"And it's okay to be a monster."

"Why do you care all of a sudden Prince?"

"Because it was never my intention to hurt you in any way. I just wanted you to feel something."

"Prince, I--I know I fucked up and what I did wasn't exactly acceptable but-- but don't be mad at me. I don't like it-- the way you look at me-- it--it makes me feel like a monster." I was trying so hard to hold in my sobs I could hardly breathe.

He sighed. "Izabelle, I can't promise I won't be mad at you but you have to understand that-- I don't hate you. No matter what I say when I'm mad at you, you have to know that I care about you. Even if you're a monster-- just like the rest of us."

"Austin what if I don't want to be a monster?"

He pulled away from me and lowered his head in line with mine. "Then we'll learn how to become human again." He whispered, slowly dipping his head just enough to allow his lips on mine.

It lasted a few short seconds before he pulled away. I allowed myself to feel it. To enjoy it while it lasted. That's what I had learnt from Austin. What we had was not going to last very long but I knew that the few moments we got were always going to be worth it. It was an experience. One that I cherished every last second of.

"Let's get you something to eat, okay? You need to eat." He got up and left the room.

Sitting alone was hard. It was just filled in with my mind destroying me in ways only it could. This time the urge to scream out got unbearable. So I just screamed. I let the sound of my unsettling voice fill the air around me. It screamed until the screams turned into to sobs and the sobs turned into whimpers.