Unrequited Love for No One in Particular

Harmonies

Today was quite nice, I suppose

Everything seemed to coalesce

When just a week ago—or less

I hung my head down to my bedroom floor

I was so depressed

I remember I lay there for a while,

Pondering when and where my life went wrong,

As the sun disappeared in the West

And I forgot that my lights were off still

So in the dark I stayed,

Alone, but seeing the ghosts of my past

When I didn't come to a real decision about anything

And life seemed more bleak

That I had wasted away some precious time—

As I had become increasingly aware that life has started to pass me by

Like the wind passes by

Birds that refuse to fly

Birds falling

Calling

Calling out dying

words of frustration

Knowing

that their very existence has expected too much of them

That they could not fulfill their purpose of flying

Now doomed to plummet towards the ground

Rushing at them as the wind had,

But this time not about to let them pass by

so freely.

There I lie

In the dark,

Thinking of the birds.

On Sunday morning,

I had a change in perspective

Because the numbers that had so haunted me

Seemed not to daunt me

And to give me a reason to hope unreasonably

For the coming week to be friendly

And for the birds to sing as I woke up in the mornings—

Those panicked mornings, torn between expectations and my personal desires,

Knowing that though they seemed to conflict,

I was too sensitive and gullible to turn away—

For the birds to sing the songs which long haunted my ears

Melodies which I created and then abandoned like campfires in the winter

Which were so pleasant and warming,

but took more effort than I had time for to maintain.

Yet in the rush of the morning,

I would kick myself awake with vengeance,

And sometimes the overwhelming sensation would rush at me so fast that I couldn't handle it

And I would prefer the mercy of sleep

Even when it fixed nothing.

But on Sunday morning, the birds were in the trees outside my window

And they sung the most beautiful melodies,

Which moved me to wake up and come rushing along with the world

Instead of fighting as it washed over me

The same way sand is helpless in the grasp of a big wave.

And as the sun came from the east, I felt uplifted

By my own two legs for once

As they led me along with the flow of the world

Slowly churning at first,

Then moving with excitement,

Then doggedly,

But still moving and keeping up

And on Monday,

When I have always felt the bleakest,

My worries were the weakest

They'd been in a while

And the world embraced me as I raced along with it,

An unordinary sensation of fulfillment and wonder

Musical lines floating around me,

Sounds streaking in magical lines that I'd never noticed before

Multitudinous in color and strength

But every single one incredible in a different way

Crossing in front of me, and sometimes staying with me for quite a while

Leaving, and then coming back to find me again with sweet affection.

And when I look backwards,

I see all of the sounds I've missed,

And while I could kick myself in vengeance for missing them,

I decide instead to smile because I can still hear them

I can hear them in myself

As these sounds have become a part of me

Every single sound has made me to compose myself

To write my own song, my own unique sound

And I can hear it from everyone else too

Even if they can't hear it themselves,

They are musicians in their own rights

And now that I've started listening,

I can hear the most sublime harmonies

Now, starting to mix with my own,

Floating musical lines that will not end,

Even as death is rushing toward us all

And as the world rushes by so fast that it is unreasonable for us to keep up

Though we are still trying.

As I think of how suddenly this music has turned my life around

And I am surrounded by the harmonious sound

I urge you

My friend

I urge you to listen—when the sun begins to hide in the West and you forget to turn the lights on

And the harmonies will surely be there

Flowing gently

Eager for you to add your voice