gawsten oneshots ★

december

ack i like this version a lot more than the original, and i hope you guys feel the same.

originally posted: july 17 2017

updated: february 13 2018

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awsten missed geoff way more than someone would think he would. things broke off in mid-december because geoff didn't think it was going well. it was a one-sided breakup. awsten thought things were fine, but he obviously didn't see what geoff saw. geoff ignored all the phone calls awsten made to him after their relationship was called off.

geoff was a single parent while awsten was just a fill-in-dad to help company his boyfriend's son. the shitty townhouse in california almost seemed nicer than awsten's apartment in texas, but geoff always tried to give himself and his son the best. so if he needed to stay in california, he would. in the moment, awsten really didn't know how to be a good step-dad to him. he always wanted his own kids, but after seeing him around geoff's son, it didn't seem like he would be suited for that job until he matured.

their plan was to go to chicago for christmas, an almost family trip. that was never going to happen now though. they also planned to stay in l.a. together for awsten's birthday. that never happened, either. all of the plans they made disappeared the second geoff told awsten they were no longer seeing each other. that day felt earth-shattering.

in the midst of their relationship, awsten tried to become a singer/songwriter. he wanted to become big and famous and geoff supported him all the way when he could. even if that meant rarely seeing awsten on the weekends. geoff always wanted awsten to be happy, no matter what was done to get there. but awsten was always the last thing on geoff's mind, no matter what was going on. his son was his first. geoff cared deeply for awsten at the time, but his son was a priority.

even though december was supposed to be a month of love, family, connection; awsten was getting none of that. he was left to do everything alone and cry while geoff lived out his life.

geoff had dreams of having a house with huge, rose red entrance doors. he also dreamed of becoming a professional dancer, but for now, he was trying his best to work and go to college with a son. awsten promised that he'd get geoff whatever he wanted when he became big.

when awsten would drink and try to write songs, geoff would send him out of the house, saying he didn't want that stuff around his son. geoff didn't want his son to grow up in the same way geoff did. it was bad enough that his son was sent to daycare while geoff went to school and worked long hours. he was unable to send him to a grandparents house, or even to the son's mother's house.

"awsten, get out, please. i don't want my son around this," geoff would sigh, ushering him out of the house and into the backseat of otto's car. that would be one of the last things he would hear before waking up in otto's house, a headache forming in the back of his skull. the floor seemed to become his only friend over time.

geoff wouldn't bring awsten to family gatherings. that was too much. awsten would stay home and clean while geoff and his son went to parties for the family. awsten made geoff look bad. it was bad enough that geoff was gay and had a son, awsten was something that would make the world shift the wrong way and explode.

during their relationship, geoff would start to hang out with otto and zakk more. he wasn't cheating, he wouldn't even dream of doing that to someone. he just hung out with them to forget about his problems and how his boyfriend was falling apart at the seams while someone else babysat his son.

overtime awsten started to write out every mistake he made in the relationship and fold up the paper, tucking it away with the other twenty or so. geoff didn't know about this. in the folded papers, awsten would write out confessions that he never had the guts to say to anyone. he was scared things were falling apart, but he never really made an effort to fix things. some of the complications they faced were all because of him.

"you'll never know this but i wish i'd left you sooner, things would've been better."

everything hurt. awsten was breaking away at geoff, tearing down his walls piece by piece. sometimes they'd brush it off, but the night awsten hit geoff was the last time. it wasn't a full-blown hit, but it hurt him. it was just a slap, something that made a sound, but no mark or bruises, but it was a breaking point.

"get out!" geoff yelled at him for the last time. they had gotten into another argument, it was about the future and how things were panning out. awsten was trying to defend himself, but he just made himself look stupid.

awsten stood in the doorway, ready to leave at any given moment. when geoff yelled, he left and got in his car and driving to otto's.

"i'm keeping that promise, geoff," awsten whispered as he drove away.

awsten was still keeping all his promises. even if they weren't together anymore. he had money tucked away for geoff, all of the money he got from shows and selling music, he put it in the box for geoff. the money was going to the house that he dreamed of and deserved.

awsten could not stop thinking about geoff, no matter how hard he tried and how much he drank. there's was so many things he wanted to say. he wanted to apologize for so many things. what he put geoff through was absolutely terrible, no one deserves that. sitting on otto's couch and just staring at the wall was all he did for months, he was little to no motivation to write music. everything he tried to write was about geoff and the time they spent together.

a year after they split, awsten's music started taking off and he had more money than he thought he would make. he was ready to apologize, man up, be the boyfriend he should've been. it was hard, though. you can't exactly show up at your ex-boyfriend's house in the middle of the day without him freaking out.

awsten never forgot about geoff and geoff never forgot about awsten. even though geoff never really thought about awsten, their memories still floated around in his head and made it hard to move on. he didn't want to move on and bring another man into his sons live, he wanted to wait as long as possible until awsten was no longer a thought.

awsten now sat in front geoff's shitty townhouse in his car. geoff's car was gone, the lights were off, and no one was home. this was going to be perfect. he parked his car in geoff's usual spot, letting out a sigh as he looked up again. it was just as bad as he remembered it being, it looked like it was close to falling apart.

awsten picked up the envelope and took in a shaky breath. it was now or never. slowly, he got out and walked to geoff's front door. his steps were slow and wide, the people outside smoking just glanced at him before going back to their own business.

the envelope had three things inside of it. a key, a note, and all of awsten's feelings. it was hard enough to do this, but with everything that was inside, it seemed to make it harder for the boy. he was ready for this to be done with. it had taken him a year and a few weeks to do this, and awsten was ready to make geoff happier than ever.

the note read, "remember the promise i made to you when we got together? i do and i kept them. here you go. hope everything goes well." at the bottom, a key was tapped to the paper and there an address scratched out. awsten's number was also there on the paper. hopefully, this worked. hopefully, things would be okay.

awsten slipped the envelope under the bottom door, somehow managing it under. he sighed again. it's done and there was no way to go back now. he went back to his car and drove home. wishing that geoff was going to accept the house and not return everything and say he doesn't need awsten's help. geoff use to do that all the time, say he didn't need anyone else's help when really, he did.

geoff came home later that day and opened the door, accidentally kicking it at first. carefully, he picked up and opened it before reading the note. awsten. the promise. the key. everything was coming back to him. geoff couldn't believe it. he glanced at the address and the number, tears coming to his eyes. he had to take a second to take in what was happening.

he was able to move out of this shit neighborhood to somewhere that was nice. he could raise his son in an area that didn't put them in danger. geoff loved his neighbors, they cared a lot about the two of them, but he desperately wanted to leave for a good part of town.

when he finally put everything together and googled the address, seeing how breathtaking the house was, geoff slowly dialed the number, his hands were shaky and he couldn't see straight. how could awsten been this nice to him after everything? he was an asshole in the end, but awsten was also an asshole. things seemed like they were going to be better. geoff wasn't sure if he wanted awsten back in his life, but maybe after this, he would. that's what awsten was hoping for.

"you kept the promise," geoff said in a whisper. the tears from earlier dried on his face.

"of course i did," awsten said. you could almost hear the smile through the phone. 

there was a pause, a long one. the silence wasn't an awkward one or one that. it was just like all of the times they rode in the silence of awsten's car because his radio was broken and they had nothing to talk about. 

"i miss you," geoff said with the bit of his lip.

"i miss you too," awsten mumbled.