gawsten oneshots ★

delicate, petite, & other things i'll never be

this story is a wild ride. but i love it so much. thank you sie and frank for helping me work this one out! i hope you guys enjoy it. xx.

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It had taken Otto a long time to realize that she wasn't male. She had spent almost twenty years thinking she was meant to be in this body, but it wasn't until her late teens and early twenties when she realized that yeah, she was most definitely not supposed to be in this body. After going through her mom's closet at the age of eighteen and then wearing makeup just a few weeks later, things were coming clear. It's not like this happened all of a sudden, you could take back all of this to the end of middle school. She had always been more feminine than the rest of her male friends. Her hair was always long and when it was cut short, she wore a bandana to keep it up. Otto always seemed to be uncomfortable in her own skin.

She had grown up with two of her best friends, Awsten and Geoff, who were dating each other. She knew that if she came out, she would be supported one hundred percent. While Otto knew that, she was still weary of the idea of telling the two. It hurt every time they called her a boy or referred to her as a male, but she thought it was all too late for them to change things around. If she found this out sooner, things would be fine, that's what she thought. But when you're almost twenty-one and just now coming to term with things, your head can get a bit lost and fuzzy.

When the day to come out finally rolled around, she was extremely anxious. She had decided that she wasn't changing her name because Otto seemed like it could go both ways, plus she was comfortable with keeping her birth name around. If she needed to, she could find some nickname for them to use, but that was doubtful.

Hesitantly, she knocked on the door of Geoff's apartment, already knowing that Awsten was over. Her foot tapped the floor rapidly as she waited for someone to open up and her in. The joggers and jacket she was sporting weren't as warm as she remembered them to be. The door was opened almost a minute later by Awsten, who already looked buzzed out on caffeine. She offered a weak smile as Awsten invited her inside.

"Good morning, Otto," Geoff hummed from the kitchen as she slipped off her shoes by the door.

"Hey," She mumbled back in response. Her stomach felt like she was on a rollercoaster of some sort and it was not a good feeling. Already, Otto wanted this to be over with, but it would be weird to walk in and announce how she was feeling without any context.

"Why're you over this early?" Awsten asked, settling back on the couch and leaving just enough room for Otto to squeeze down at the end.

"Uh- I just wanted to see you guys, y'know... Catch up." Otto said with a shuffle of her feet. The air already seemed to be tense, which made her mood drop a bit more. Wanting to back out, she bit her tongue.

"Alright," Geoff smiled from the kitchen, "Do you want some coffee? Juice? We got that grape juice you like." He asked.

"Juice... Will be fine." Awsten gave Otto a look, "Are you alright? You're acting off." He knew when something was wrong with Otto by the way she talked and how she sat.

"It's been a long week. I think I need to go out this weekend." Otto said with a small shrug. She had spent most of the week waiting to spill this all out to the two of them, but suddenly, now didn't seem like a good time it.

Geoff came around a few minutes later with a glass of juice. He handed it to Otto and gave her a smile. "So, what d'you want to talk about?" He asked, sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, coffee cup in hand. She couldn't help but laugh at the design on the side. It said "might be vodka" but it brought some happiness to her.