DON'T LET ME GO

chapter 11

The recording session was over and everyone started to leave i was grabbing my purse when she finally adressed me as normaly as she could under the circumstances. She whispered if i felt like having a drink.

-i am still not allowed in the streets of LA, scandal management...

-how about between the safe walls of a friend's place?

-would that friend be you?

She gave me an almost annoyed look i figured it was a bit early to go back to my teasing habits so i continued

-i'd love that.

Carmen left her car at the studio since she's coming back next day and we drove together in mine. It was almost a half hour drive and for the first few minutes the silence was so unberable so i started chitchating with her about random things just to better her mood when she suddenly took my hand and kissed it. I looked at her surprised two or three times before finally asking,

-what was that sweet kiss for?

-thank you.

-for?

-coming, talking, saying you're sorry... i didnt expect it.

-you didnt leave me much choice now did you? And since we're at it, thank you.

-for?

-being jealous

I couldnt help but laugh as i said that but honestly somewhere in the middle of her ignoring me i did like the fact that she was jealous.

-who said i am jealous

-you're angry silence treatment!!!

-did you want me to be jealous?

-NOOO, but i wouldnt like it if you were indifferent.

-so you like it?

I didnt know how to answer to that, holding her hand, wanting her to hug me or kiss me is something but wanting her to feel jealous for me was something else.

-Carmen

-yes

-what do you think of me?

-since you're so fun of drinking how about we leave this conversation to after the booze?

We pulled into Carmen's place and we directly went upstairs, as we climb the stairs i said.

-i thought you'll get me drunk before taking me to your room.

-you told me once not to seduce you so don't worry i always do as told...

With a teasing smile i replied:

- what a good girl you are!

She has a small red velvet sofa in her bedroom, as i sat there she poured two glasses of wine at the mini bar behind the sofa and joined me. i asked her if it was time for her to answer my question of earlier so she put her glass on the small table by the side, she held my hand and started playing with puffs of my hair as she explained:

-it was three years ago, i saw you for the first time, obviously i knew who you were. I felt your energy the second i got into the room that i asked your manager to introduce me, you were walking towards me like a floating heavingly creature and seconds short of extanding my hand and hold yours for the first time, Michael came in and stole the moment from me, i cursed him for stopping me from feeling your skin. He shortly after corrected his mistake and pulled us both for a hug my hand touched yours and i knew then that it was a feeling i wanted to have for as long as i can. For some reason after that day everytime someone tells me about you is to report some bad things and claches you've been saying about me so i did all i could to avoid crossing paths with you. I didnt want to be around you having that longing feeling for you knowing that all you feel for me is despise or some business rivalry but i always wondered what it would be like to be close to you to know you to have acces to your mind and soul. i went on with that question for three years until 4th of July. I didnt know you would be attending if i did probably i wouldnt have gone but thank god i did. You were drunk for most of the night for some weird reason that only the drunk you would know you were glued to me, hand in hand you followed me everywhere until eventually we sat down and you slept on my shoulder. I was high on the feeling of having you close, feeling your breaths on my neck and you pulling me closer everytime i try to move the high was so strong i couldnt help but kiss you. Now you know what happened from that point on but the one thing you dont is that the moment my lips touched yours i knew why i was so drawn to you since that day at Michael's studios...

I couldnt just listen at that point so i interupted her:

-why? Why are drawn to me Carmen?

-because something in you belongs to me just like something in me belongs to you, like twins who were seperated at birth and went about life feeling that connection missing from them until they randomly met and everything about their existence made sense.

-are you saying we're twins!

I said it with a smile that she smiled too and replied:

-i am saying that we belong thogether

-how do you know?

-how do you know you have a heart?

-i can feel it beating

-it's the same thing

-Carmen, i am not... i am not into women in this way

-okay.

She didnt say anything after, maybe she was thinking about what to say next. The moment i said what i said i knew i had no right. Here i am in her bedroom after begging her to forgive me for making out with a guy, after i spent months texting her at all times sending her flirtious pictures, holding her hand and huging her and kissing her and i am saying i am not into women that way... i didnt expect her to understand my feelings since i didnt understand them myself so i cut the silence and said:

- you know what i am into right now though?

She smiled at me and asked what.

-to put those drinks away, remove those tight jeans we're stuffed into and get into bed next to you. To rest my head on your shoulder like that night you knew where you belong maybe i'll find out where i belong myself.

She looked at me still quite as i continued,

-are you up for that?

She took the drink away from me, stood up and helped me stand up myself and started taking off her jeans, i kept looking as her skin started to unravel from underneath her tight pants i felt some sort of shiver looking at such a scene. We finally both got out of our tight clothing grib and crawled between the cold sheets of her bed and just as i asked, Carmen laid next to me with her arms open offering me her sholder to sleep and so i did.