Defend Me

Chapter 6: The Anger

Blake's Point of View
I stared at the ceiling, admiring the popcorn covering. It was an off-white color and very sharp. They were like little spikes, tempting me to touch them. I've tried to touch them. I do not recommend anyone to. It almost gave me a cut on my palm. They're like little death traps just taunting you to feel them.

My mind was clouded with a million thoughts, each one making me feel more terrible by the second. After seeing Krissy, there was nothing more that I wanted to do besides kiss her and hold her in my arms. But I couldn't, because I lost her. It was my fault we weren't together anymore. And there was nothing I could do about it. I lost her forever and it was a regret i'd have until the day I die.

"Hey." I heard from my door, which was opened. I sat up, seeing Sophie walking down the hall. She had a saddened look on her face. She was dressed in sweats and a hoodie. Her hair was in a low ponytail. "I'm guessing you finally saw Krissy."

"You knew she was my lawyer, didn't you?" I asked her. She shook her head, making me sigh in defeat. I wanted to be angry at someone, at something. But I couldn't be. I was in this mess because of me and I couldn't get out of it, no matter what I did. My mistake from years ago was beginning to catch up to me.

"Asher never told me until this morning. Krissy didn't know either. She just kept talking about some idiot getting caught drunk driving. I never thought it'd be you. But look on the bright side, you can finally win her back!" Sophie shouted. She sat on the edge of my bed, looking at me with so much hope. I shook my head.

"I can't. I don't deserve her Soph. It's my fault we aren't together. I blamed her for everything and then pushed her away. She doesn't want me anymore. She's happily married with Daniel." I said the ending with disgust. Sophie quickly shook her head, holding back a laugh.

"She's not married you idiot. I doubt they'll ever even get engaged. I mean i've been with Ash for eight years and we aren't married." Sophie pointed out. I smirked, forgetting about the topic of our conversation for a second. Little did she know what Asher had planned.

"No Soph. I can't win her back. I messed up. What I did was unforgivable. As much as I love her, I can't see her again. I need a new lawyer. Seeing her happy and in love with someone else hurts me, but having been the reason that I pushed her away, makes me want to die inside. I can't win her back and I won't try." I told her. Sophie sighed. Defeat was plastered across her face. She was disappointed that I wouldn't try to win Krissy back. But, I couldn't win her back. Nothing i'd do would make up for what I did.

I blamed her for killing our son. Instead of comforting her with the news of the miscarriage, I threw words at her that she didn't deserve. She deserved love and kindness, not hate and disgust. She will never forgive me for those 6 months of hell that I put her through. I almost even made her quit school! I wish I could go back and act differently. Maybe i'd be with her. Maybe we'd have a beautiful son who makes our lives full. There are so many if's and but's that cannot be answered. All I know is that I can't be with her. I don't deserve her or her love.

"What ever did happen Blake?" She asked. I shook my head. I wanted to tell her and Asher, but it wasn't my place to tell. If Krissy wished for them to know, they would. I was a small character in that tragedy. I couldn't tell it.

"It's not my place to tell Soph. It has to be Krissy. This is Krissy's story to tell." I told her. Sophie nodded. I wondered if Sophie would go and ask Krissy. Would Sophie then hate me for being a dick to Krissy during the pregnancy and then for hating her for losing our baby? I can't lose my sister too.

"Alright Blake. But, I do believe that you and Krissy belong together. I can see it in her eyes. Living with her for the last month has allowed me to get to know her again. She's not that bubbly person anymore. You are her missing piece before she can be the same Krissy from before. She loves you Blake. I know she does. I know you love her too." Sophie said. I shook my head. She needed to stop.