God & Sinner

14. A Hole in the World

It still felt weird to hold James' hand. Not that it was a bad thing, just something different, something I hadn't gotten used to yet. Still, I looked forward to getting used to it. It was just one of the many things that made our relationship different than any others I'd had before. There had never been any romance, no need for holding hands and stealing sideways glances. There had also never been any need to go on dates, but now here I was. In a way it was easier before because it was all about sex, and the other guy would only want the same thing and we could just get to it and then be done. Yet what I was doing with James was an art; something filled with passion and hope and desire. Yes, very weird, but I'd loved every second of it.

Part of me had secretly hoped that James would've gotten scared at some point during the movie, that way he would've cowered into me for comfort. Clearly he hadn't been lying when he'd said that horror movies were his favorite, because he'd giggled through it without so much as flinching. That was okay, it was funny, and all in all I'd had a really good time. What was happening to me? I'd been a carnal beast before, but now that I'd been domesticated I was ridiculously happy just to be with him.

"What should we do now?" James mused beside me, playful in his gesture. "It's a little late, but we could still grab a bite to eat."

"Or," I stopped, taking his chin into my hand as I leaned forward, dangerously close to his face. "We could go back to my place."

"You'd be so lucky." He teased, grinning wide as he pulled away and started forward again. He reached behind him without looking, already knowing that I would take his hand. I did. It was mostly a joke when I'd said it, because I knew he wanted to take things slow. Surprisingly, I was okay with that. Weird.

"Well then, I guess I could eat." I smiled too as I caught up to him. He was full of light and peace and optimism, so he didn't see what I did as he continued to debate on where we should go. I was not so filled with those beautiful things, so I was weary as a group of rough looking guys walked our way. I felt my gun where it was concealed on my waist, and I had no doubt I could protect us. After all, the friends I kept were more unsavory than that lot, but I still wouldn't let them get anywhere near James. He didn't seem to notice when I switched sides with him, taking his other hand instead so that he was shielded.

They passed, shooting us dirty looks that I gave right back to them, and I wondered how it could be so easy. Still James was unaware, but even his blind faith in people couldn't bridge the distance when they laughed and called us fags. It hurt him, I could see it in his eyes, but even if it hadn't I wouldn't have let it go. They made the mistake of underestimating me, and they would pay for that. I reached back for my weapon as I turned, ready to call them out and stick up for James. Yet before I could say anything I felt his hand on my wrist, stopping me.

"What are you doing?" With a fervent whisper, James glanced around to see who might've noticed.

"I'm going to teach those motherfuckers a lesson," I hissed, ignoring his attempts to stop me.

"No, come on, don't pay any attention to them. Please, let's just go eat and forget about it." He pleaded, using both his hands to latch onto me this time.

"Are you kidding me? Did you not just hear what they called us?" I was angry, rightfully so, but I knew I shouldn't take it out on him. "I'm not going to let anybody talk to you like that."

"So, what? You're going to run over there and fight them? Be real, you know you can't take them all on, and I don't want you getting hurt. And if the police get involved you could get arrested. It's not worth it."