Barbara Dunkelman x Reader

Depression Pt. 3

-Barbara Pov-

After the blood transfusion and the stomach pump, I sit with (y/n) and hold his hand. He comes in and out of consciousness and I do my best to hold the tears for when he's asleep. I need to be strong for him, and I can't let him see me like this. If he does, then he won't be able to focus on my desire to help him, just the fact I'm crying. And, I know it'll be just something else he blames himself for. I lose track of how much time has passed since we've been here. Could be days, hours or possibly even weeks. All he and I have had to eat is hospital food, and I've been sleeping in a chair. But, I need to take care of him.

When the lights of the room hit me, I wake up and see the doctors coming in. One of them looks at me concerned. " You've been here for three days now. You need to go home. It's only supposed to be his immediate family in here. And besides, you need to get a proper night of sleep."

I feel something tug down at my sleeve, and I see (y/n)'s hands. " She stays," he says in a weak voice, on the verge of giving out. " Please," he begs. The doctors look back and forth between me and him. Then, they have a silent conversation with their eyes, until two of them sigh with irritation and step away.

" She stays," says one of them, and I let out a sigh of relief. The other two open their mouths to protest, and he glares at them. " Look at her. She's going to stay with or without our permission. And look at him. He needs her to be here with him."

With that, the doctor pulls up a chair next to (y/n), and starts pouring something on a cotton swab, and then he turns to me and (y/n). " This is going to sting," he warns him. " I need to clean your cuts to make sure there's no risk of infection." And then he turns to me. " This isn't going to be easy to see," he warns. I nod, and then brace myself as he lifts up his sleeves. Even though I saw them before, my heart breaks all over again when I see how many there are, and how deep they are.

The doctor places the swap on his cut, and I grab his hand as (y/n) screams in pain. I tell him it's going to be okay, and eventually the doctor finishes the cuts on his arm. I pray that's it, until he pushes up the hospital gown, revealing the cuts on his legs. The process repeats, and then I turn to the doctor. " That's all of them right," I ask, somewhere between a prayer and begging. The doctor shakes his head, and then removes (y/n)'s shirt. As he cleans those cuts, I see (y/n) looking down in shame. When the cleaning finishes, he puts on his shirt, and pulls the sleeves down.

At this, the doctor leaves and informs me he'll be back in about an hour. " I'm sorry you had to see that," mutters (y/n), ashamed of himself and the cuts. " I know those are hideous, and I am to."

When he says this, I grab his arm, and pull up his sleeve. I see his eyes shy away, and then with my free hand, I cup his face and make him look at me. I plant a kiss on one of the scars, and he winces a little bit, and then I realize that that may not have been the best idea. " I love you," I say, and his eyes widen before he looks down. " I don't care how many of these there are. You're still amazing to me."

He looks down. " I'm not worth any of this," he mutters. " I don't deserve this. You got hurt again because of me," he says, referring to the cast on my foot from having kicked down the door, it indeed being broken in at least one place.

" It doesn't matter. It'll heal, but it was worth it. It was either my foot or losing you. And losing you isn't an option. You've done this for me too. Like the time I got locked in a closet, and was panicking. You punched the door down, and broke your hand in three different places. This is what we do for each other."

(y/n) tries to say something about him being worthless, and then I pull him into a hug. He tries to break away, but he's not strong enough, because of multiple things. The drugs in his system, and then the fact I'm not letting go of him no matter what he says or does. He's not getting away from me this time.

Eventually, (y/n) stops trying to pry away from me. " I know it's a lot to ask," he murmurs. " But, please just stay with me. I'm so scared of everything. Myself. Margaret. The doctors with all of their needles and tests. Don't leave me."

I kiss his forehead. " I never will. So, don't worry about that okay? I am always going to be with you. Always. I'm going to be by your side through everything. This, any nightmares you may have. The therapy. You and I are going to get through this okay?" He nods weakly, and then buries his head into my chest.

In time, (y/n) is released from the hospital. " I'm going to stay with you for a few days," I tell him. " That way I can be with you in case anything happens to you. But, I need you to tell me whenever you feel like hurting yourself. I'll stay as long as you need me to."

With that, we get into the bed, and then I wrap my arms around him. " I'm not leaving," I promise him again.

( let me know what you think. probably one more chapter of this theme.)