Rough Patch

10

Tyler Joseph
I get back into my car still parked by Josh's grave. I look over into the passenger side and open up the glove box. I pull out a box and inside was Josh's old neon green alien mask. I had put it into a black box wrapped with a silver ribbon and my plan was to put it in his grave when he was buried but I couldn't do it so I shoved it in my glove box. My next idea was to give it to his parents but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So now was my chance. I grab the box and go back to the grave. Next to the grave was a urn basket so I set it in there. I stand back and look at it. I hated the way it looked but I wanted to have it by him. I missed my chance. I could've let him have it when he was being buried but I was being selfish and wanted to keep it. Then I had an idea. I would need to run it by his family first.

—//—
I start driving out of the cemetery and call Jenna.

"Hey! Are you almost home?" Jenna asks.

"I went to visit Josh." I say with no emotion.

"What? Are you serious? Are you okay? Do I need to come get you?"

"No. I'm in my car. I need to go do something."

"Like what?"

"I need to go ask Josh's parents a question."

"Tyler, I understand your trying to do something to change the way you've been for the last 5 years. Your trying to make it up for me, your daughter but most importantly, you. But are you sure this is okay? You already talked publicly about your band for the first time in years. Now you've gone to see Josh's grave and now you want to go see Josh's parents. I think it's great but give yourself some time."

"I can't. I have to do this now otherwise I'll never do it. I'll just hold it off longer."

"Can you tell me what your doing this for?"

"It's nothing. I'll explain later. I'm at there house now. I'll see you in a little while." I hang up just as I'm pulling into the driveway for the first time in years. I take a deep breath and walk to the front door holding the box. I knock on the door and I hear foot steps. I hear the lock turn and the door opens.

"Tyler?" It was Laura, Josh's Mom. She looked shocked to see me.

"Hi Laura. It's nice to see you." I say with a half smile.

"Please! Come on in!" Laura says. I walk in and she embraces me in a tight hug.

"Sorry I haven't come over sooner." I say.

"That's just fine sweetie. Take a seat on the couch." I walk over and sit down on the couch, still holding the box in my lap. Laura takes a seat across from me.

"Bill is working. I'm sure he would love to see you so we will have to set up a time when he isn't working." Laura explains.

"Yes of course! Um, I brought something and I'd like to talk to you about what I want to do with this."

"Alright what is it?" Laura asks. I lift off the lid of the box and carefully unwrap the tissue paper inside. My hands are shaking and my heart sinks when I see the mask for the first time in years. Laura covers her mouth.

"That's Josh's! I thought we had all his masks?" Laura says in awe.

"Yes. I kept this one because it was very special to Josh. I wanted to put it in the grave when Josh was being buried but I couldn't let myself to part from it. Then I wanted to give it to you as a gift but I couldn't do that either because I knew Josh would want this with him. My proposal is that we could have the cemetery workers dig up Josh's grave. Not fully to take the casket out or anything but enough for me to set it on top of the casket." I finish and finally make eye contact with Laura. Her eyes are wide but thoughtful. She had some tears sliding down her faces. She begins to nod quickly.

"Yes. Yes! That would be great! It will be 6 years since Josh's death in a couple days as you know and I was hoping to have a little get together with friends and family to celebrate his life. We could do it then. We could have friends and family bring gifts that remind them of Josh and we could all put the gift into the grave." Laura says excitedly.

"Oh! Perfect!" I say. My heart sinks for the second time tonight. I can't believe I forgot about Josh's death anniversary. I've been so busy being sad everyday for the past 5 years that I don't even think about the date.

—//—
I say my goodbyes to Laura and I go back to my car and start to drive back home. I felt exhausted. This was mentally exhausting but if I didn't do all this today I'd probably never end up doing it.

I walk into my house and see Jenna on the couch in her pajamas.

"Well, that took a while." Jenna says setting her book down.

"Yeah." I say. I walk up to my room and sit on the edge of my bed. I put my head in my hands. This was the greatest worst night ever. I have never been this exhausted and this stressed since Josh died. I just can't believe it'll be 6 years in 2 days. Then all at once I feel my eyes well up with tears and I feel them slip down my cheeks as I lay back and close my eyes.