Rough Patch

15

Tyler Joseph 

After I sang it was time to head over to the cemetery. I was still high on adrenaline and I felt really good about what I just did. That was a super hard speech and performance but it was the one that I'm most proud of and will remember forever. 

We all drove over to the cemetery and walked up to Josh's grave. There were dead flowers sitting there. The people working in the cemetery had Josh's casket raised and when I saw it my heart dropped. It was a black casket with white engravement. It had Josh's name, birth day and death date. There was also the logo for our band engraved very small below his name. I looked over and saw Josh's family huddled together crying. I looked down at my feet and all of a sudden Ellie is in front of me and looks me right in the eyes. She slowly walks toward me and gives me a tight hug. She is such a wise girl for being so young. I hug her back and she steps to the side and holds my hand. In my other hand, I have to box of Josh's masks, ready to set them on top of the casket. 

The priest from the church said a few words and then it was time for anyone to set anything on top of the casket. I let everyone else go and when everyone went to their cars to leave I decided I could go. It was only me, Jenna, Ellie and Josh's family. I slowly walked up to the casket and put my hand on it. I felt like I could still feel Josh, I felt like I could hear his laugh. I opened up the box. I had 3 masks in there. I set each one individually on top of everything else that was there. I had a plain black mask, an alien mask and a blue mask. After I set them all on top, I slowly backed up and I was embraced by Josh's mom. 

"I know Josh is so proud of what you did for him tonight." She says. 

"I hope so." I sigh. 

"You did so good. And I want you know that Josh wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life laying in bed sleeping. Get out there! Do something with your wife and daughter. Start creating more music. It's what Josh would want and I think you should do it for him, and for your own family." 

"You're right. When I was singing I felt like that's what Josh was telling me to do. I swear I was able to hear him." 

"You'll probably hear him for the rest of your life, I know I will." Laura gives me one last hug before going to meet her family back in their car. I stand by the casket one more time and then walk back to Jenna and Ellie. 

"Let's go. It's been a long day." Jenna says.

////

3 weeks later

I was feeling so much better. I was taking Ellie to school almost everyday, Jenna and I were having date nights every friday, I was finally happier. I felt almost like how I used to feel. I was loving the relationship Jenna and I were having again, it felt like it had been forever. 

Jenna was cooking some dinner while Ellie played in the living room and I went down to the basement, where I hadn't gone in a very long time. I walked into my studio room and saw all the equipment: the drums, microphones, desktop computer, speaker, recording booth, everything. My heart filled with a type of joy I hadn't felt in a while. I sat down at my key board and pressed one key. The sound made my heart skip a beat. I pressed another key, and another and another and all of a sudden I was turning on the recording button and recording a random song I just started playing on the keyboard. After I hit the last note and decided I would be done I look over and see Jenna standing in the door way with her eyes filled with tears. 

"Ty, I hadn't seen that kind of passion in your eyes in so long." Jenna smiles. She walks over to me and wraps me in a hug. 

"I felt like I had to do that." I say.

"Well, whatever you just randomly started playing needs to be worked on more because that could be a hit. Just that keyboard sounded amazing." 

"I just have to put words to it and really work on it and it seems so much more difficult than it used to be."

"That's because you haven't wrote and recorded a song in years! It takes time. I believe this is what is going to bring you back."

"I just don't know if I can ever go back to playing on stage alone. Twenty one pilots isn't twenty one pilots without a Josh." 

"You're right but you can be Tyler Joseph. There can't be a Tyler Joseph without a Tyler Joseph." Jenna says before exiting the studio and walking back upstairs. She made a very good point. I need to move on and start continuing on what I created with Josh. I can do that, I know I can.

////

When it was Ellie's bedtime, I went to go tuck her in. She laid down in her bed and I sat on the edge and brushed through her soft hair with my fingers. 

"daddy?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, sweetie?" I reply.

"I really love having you tuck me in, take me to school and play games with me." 

"Oh, Ellie. I love doing all those things too. I wish I would've done it sooner." 

"Yeah but, what is that thing that people say? Late is more better than never?"

"Better late than never. You're so right, El. Now, why don't you get some sleep." 

"Good night, daddy. I love you." 

"I love you too, Ellie. Sleep well."