Rough Patch

29

Tyler Joseph 

We arrive at the venue and head to the green room. Ellie was super excited to be in an area she had never been before. She was jumping off the thin walls of this venue. The green room was smaller than when I was with Josh. It was a small venue but it still brought back so many memories. There was a table with all sorts of snacks: doritos, trail mix, fruit, vegetables, half sandwiches, oreos and much more. Ellie managed to find a bowl of candy and started to stick her hands in it to pick some out. I was so happy to see her enjoying herself. Jenna was sitting on the couch taking in everything. She looked like she was back in her element. She loved coming to shows with me. 

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After a bit of time passed and I did sound check the show was about to start. There was an opener that was performing and soon it would be my turn. I get changed into what I want to wear on stage and throw on my signature beanie that I haven't worn since the band. Jenna wrapped me in a hug and gave me an encouraging pep talk. I gave Ellie a hug as well. 

"Good luck daddy!" Ellie cheered. I heard the opener finishing and took in a deep breath. It was my time. I walked to the side of the stage. The opener walked off and greeted me. It was so weird to be going on stage alone. The stage was going to feel so much bigger than it would if I had someone else with me. Then I remembered. Josh may not be physically here with me but he is most definitely here. The lights go down and I hear the familiar cheers in the audience. I walk on stage and the crowd got louder. This is where I am suppose to be. 

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Jenna Joseph 

The show started and Ellie and I stood on the side of the stage. Ellie had little headphones on to protect her eardrums but she didn't care. She was so excited to see her dad on stage doing what he loved. I was so proud of him for going out there and doing this. I understand how hard it is for him to be doing this but I have always known that this was the one thing he needed to do to get back to fully being himself. 

The show went on and Ellie and I danced our hearts out. The last song of the show came up and I was surprised that Tyler changed things up. He was going to sing one of his new up beat, fun type of song but instead he did something that pulled at my heart. Tyler ran around backstage quick and came back with his keyboard. He set it up and stood next to it. I could tell he was trying to think of what to say. He started playing a tune and I knew exactly what it was. 

Trees. 

It was the one song that Tyler and Josh always ended with at shows when they were together. It was such a fun song with such a deep meaning. I didn't expect Tyler to do this yet. Not at his first gig back after years. 

Tyler started giving his speech. By speech, I mean Tyler just started talking directly from the heart. He said: 

"Wow. I can't believe it. I hardly have words for this. I have been gone for a while, as you know. I will be honest with all of you. I really didn't think I'd ever come back. I didn't think I could do it. I was afraid. I was sad. The one thing that got me out of that slump and back at it is my absolutely beautiful and strong wife, Jenna. I may have made life difficult for her for a few years but she got me back. Also, my wonderful, hilarious and sweet daughter Ellie got me back. I knew I needed to be a dad. I needed to be a good dad before I could become me. Before I could come back with music for all of my friends out here. That was my biggest push. The other thing that got me over the edge of getting back to myself was when I found out I was going to be a dad to three. Finding out I was going to be a dad to twins was something I knew was meant to be and made me be stronger. Another thing was two wonderful people. Bill and Laura Dun, my forever best friend Josh's, parents. They told me to go through and do this for Josh. It's something I needed to do for him and for me. And finally, you all helped me. You are my friends and supporters and if you didn't stick around then I wouldn't be here. So, here we go. One last song. I dedicate this to Josh and everyone who is supporting me in my life. This is Trees." 

I had tears from that speech that Tyler gave. I covered my face and leaned against the wall behind me. Ellie was too into the show. She didn't really understand anything. She was up against the side barricade and jumped along to the beat of the song. I was so happy. Tyler is so strong and that makes me happier than I could ever imagine. I was so proud and couldn't wait to keep this life going.