Rough Patch

12

Tyler Joseph

I've ruined it all. I was taking too much time for myself and not enough time for my own wife and child. I'm so grateful that Jenna gave me a couple weeks to mentally, emotionally and physically rest after my presentation and telling people about my best friends death but I stayed in bed for a day too long. When Jenna started packing her bags I never once said anything. I sat there in shock. I couldn't speak. Now we are being separated but everyone knows 9 times out of 10 that leads to divorce, at least in my mind. 

I throw my phone across the bedroom. It hits the floor hard and slides out of the room. I get out of bed and start throwing my pillows and blankets all over the place. I'm an idiot. I'm the stupidest man alive for loosing the two best things that have ever happened to me. 

I go downstairs to the kitchen and stare out the window, thinking. Why am I like this? Why am I not getting better when it's been years since the worst day of my life happened? I walk to the kitchen cabinets and open it up. I look to the very top shelf and see the liquor, the liquor that I will never drink. Jenna keeps it in case her family stays over who does enjoy an occasional, casual drink but we never drink it. I can't. I fear that if I start, I just may never stop. But now that I think about it, I'm alone. No one is here to stop me. I could grab that bottle and take a sip and no one will tell me 'no'. I reach up and grab the first bottle which contained a dark liquid. I open the top and just set it on the counter and do nothing. Memories come flooding back to a time in my life as a senior in high school when I felt like nothing was going right. I remember coming to school drunk and getting suspended. I remember feeling like crap. It was the first time I had ever drank and I drank a whole bottle of disgusting liquid. But then I begin to remember how I felt when I first initially drank it. I felt relaxed and like I had nothing to worry about. That's all the motivation I needed and my lips are on the bottle. I tip the bottle back and I feel the thick liquid go into my mouth. I felt the first sip go down my throat and I went back for another sip. This time, as soon as the liquid got into my mouth, I came to a realization. I ran to the sink and spit it out. I dropped the bottle to the ground where it shattered and shards of glass and liquor covered my kitchen tile. I feel warm tears fall down my cheeks. I needed to call someone. I run across the kitchen floor, across the glass and spilled liquor. I feel the shards of glass pierce my foot and sting but I keep running to grab my phone. I grab it from the floor outside my bedroom and I go back down stairs and sit on the last step of the stairs. I dial my brother, Zack, hoping he would answer, he does. 

"Ty, how's it going?" Zack asks.

"I need to come here. Please." I beg.

"Everything alright?"

"Just come here. Please." I say. My voice cracks and I begin to sob. 

"I'll  be right there. Don't do anything stupid." Zack hangs up and I begin to cry uncontrollably. This is the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I feel like I've lost everything. I lost my best friend, my daughter and my wife. I screw up everyone's lives. 

///

I hear a car pull up. My front door swings open revealing my brother. He looked scared. He saw a ton of blood pooled up underneath my feet. He saw me sobbing. He saw a trail of blood leading from the kitchen to the upstairs. He saw a broken bottle. I was a mess. My life was a mess.

"Tyler. What the hell happened?" Zack asked.

"I screwed everything up." I cry.

"Your feet! Are you okay?"

"Zack, I messed up. I'm loosing everyone I love." 

"Tyler, we can talk about this in a minute but you seriously need medical attention. You're loosing so much blood and you have glass in your foot." It was at that moment that I looked down and saw how much blood I truly was loosing. My feet were both still gushing blood. I felt my face get very warm and I started seeing black dots. 

"Tyler? No. Don't pass out. You're okay. Lets get you to the doc----" That was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

////

I woke up in a bright room. Fluorescent lights were shining. I was in a hospital. I felt a pang of pain in my feet and everything came flooding back to me. I look over and see Zack sitting in a chair on his phone. 

"Hey." I say.

"Oh! You're up. Did you have a nice nap?" Zack joked. 

"Yeah. Great." 

"You just passed out because you had a lot on your mind and were overwhelmed so nothing too serious. You had to get a couple stitches in your feet which may suck since you'll have to be in a wheel chair for a little bit but other than that you're okay."

"Thanks."

"So, do you want to explain to me about what all this was about?" 

"I went crazy, Zack."

"No kidding." 

"I felt like I was getting so much better. I was having fun with my kid and my wife and it was amazing! And then everything went down hill so quickly. I wasn't there for my wife and child and I don't blame Jenna at all. She left. She has basically been a single mom for all of Ellie's life. She left, Zack. She went to her mom's and took Ellie. She told me she wants a separation. I didn't know what to do. I drank. I took one small sip but still, I drank. I threw the bottle because I was mad at myself. I can't believe I did that." 

"I'm so sorry, Ty. You can fix things though, I know it." 

"No. I can't. I seriously can't."

"Yes you can. And, don't get angry at me, but the first thing you need to do is go to therapy. You need to talk to someone about this." 

"I tried that. I did nothing for me."

"Well, maybe now it will."

"Maybe. I just need to get Jenna and Ellie back."