Contest Winner | Why Don't We

4: Morning Wood

A/N: I wasn't gonna put a warning because I say in the description that there is self harm in the book but I felt dirty not warning you guys. I probably wont do a warning next time it happens so just be aware of the self harm and that everybody is beautiful including you and you never have to hurt yourself. Anyways enjoy the chapter.

Monday- 7:15 a.m.

Elizabeth's P.O.V

I haven't slept. It's not that something was bothering me or that I missed home. It was far from missing home. I just never sleep. I rolled over and looked at the window. The curtains were closed but there was a little light peaking through. I was bored of just laying here but I don't think anybody awake. I sat up and looked around the dimly light room. At least when I'm at home I can move around without being worried someone will come in.

I pulled off my covers and headed to the bathroom. I needed to pee. Which felt like the millionth time but I think it was my body trying to get me to do something. I washed my hands and walked to my suit case. I grabbed all my bathroom stuff out and carried it to the bathroom. I set the shampoo, conditioner, spongy, and body wash on the floor of the walk in shower. The idea of slide glass doors made me a little uncomfortable but I could lock my bedroom and bathroom door. I set my toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss next to the facet.

The rest of my bathroom stuff including my hair brush, hair dryer, curler, contact holder and solution, glasses case, face masks, deodorant, perfume, body lotion, raver, cotton swaps, makeup, and my makeup remover wipes were just sprawled across the vanity. I opened one of the drawers and threw in tampons, pads, and liners. They were just in case my period started. I walked back to my suit case and pulled out my robe and an outfit. I than locked my bedroom door and headed toward the bathroom.

I locked the bathroom door and stood in front of the mirror. I took a deep breath and stripped down to my bra and underwear. I looked over the disgrace of a body I had. My arms, hips, and thighs were covered in dark brown lines which were cuts that turned into scars. I looked at my double chin and how I had to much skin in areas that there shouldn't be. I turned to my side to see my to fat of a stomach. My ribs and spin poked out but my stomach still looked like I could give birth to 16 babies. My butt wasn't big enough and neither were my boobs. My body was the definition of gross. I sighed as I turned around and started the shower. As the water started to heat up I stood back in front of the vanity.

I scanned it over looking for the raver and its extra blades. I slowly picked it up between my index finger and thumb holding it up to my face. I stared at my reflection in it for a few seconds before holding up my left arm in front of me. My face stayed emotionless as I lowered the sharp blade to it. I didn't even look for an open area that had no scars. There was no more untouched skin to look for. I didn't even flinch as I applied pressure and pulled it slowly across my wrist. It was such a normal feeling to me it was like a dog licking your face. My left hand clenched into a fist from the pain that I couldn't process. After 1 line was done I moved closer and did it again and again and again until there was blood running down to my elbow. I turned on the sink and rinsed the blade off. I wish the cutting would make me feel something but it just made me feel more dead inside.

I slowly walked to the shower, stripping off my bra and underwear, as I pulled open the glass door. I stepped into the cool wet tile that the water only sometimes hit. I put both feet in and shut the glass behind me. I looked up at the shower head as I stepped under it. The warm water holding my fragile cold body. It was like my own clothing that were see through and always warm. I closed my eyes just letting the water cleaning my blood. I sighed deeply.

After my long shower I dried off and got in my robe. I walked over to the mirror and wiped off the steam. When I could finally see in the mirror I put in my contacts. Once they were in I took my hair out of the towel and put a little makeup on, primer, mascara, highlighter, concealer, and red lipstick, and setting spray. I than brushed my hair and dried it with the blow dryer and brushed it again. I put on a lacy nude push up bra and a silk black thong since all my regular underwear is missing. I'm pretty sure Cayla took all of my normal underwear out. I pulled on black legging and a crop top over them and finished the look with an over sized red and black checkered button down. I left the top 3 buttons open which left a little cleavage and showed my black crop top. I only left it that way because it's most comfortable to me.