Bad Reputation; Shawn Mendes

24. Back

"Everything is different."

•••

(listen to 'In My Veins' by Andrew Belle)

America

When Monday came back around I didn't want to go to school. It's not the usual 'I don't want to go to school because I just don't'. It's because Shawn was coming back to school. I hadn't seen him since he woke up, I couldn't.

It was stupid that I haven't, I mean I should be catching him up. On who I am and how I'm in his life out of nowhere. But I couldn't bring myself to, how could I? The one person I've allowed myself to become comfortable around doesn't know who I am. To him I am a complete stranger.

A part of me is heartbroken, he was different. He made me feel things and made me want to tell him everything. He seen me in one of my weakest spots and has done so much for me. And just like that he doesn't remember a thing, god knows if he'd do it all again. The other part of me thought maybe it was a good thing. Maybe this was the universes way of making sure I never got hurt. It's better now than later down the road.

If I had it my way I would've stayed home for another day. But my dad has been taking his job as a parent very serious. He allowed me to cry and lock myself in my room but he said I was going to school today. That I couldn't continue to lay in my bed doing nothing. I didn't want to ruin my newly renewed relationship with my dad so I did as he said.

So now I was headed to school, walking in jeans and oversized sweatshirt. My earbuds in and glasses on, ignoring the world around me. It was like the last two months didn't even happen, not just for Shawn but for me. He was the reason my life was changing and now that he doesn't remember me I'm back to where I started.

The honking of car horns from horny annoying boys started. I wasn't even fazed, I didn't pay any attention to them like I did before. I couldn't deal with them when I couldn't even deal with my own self. When did I become that girl to be effected by a guy again? I stopped being her freshman year, I was doing so well not caring.

Then he comes out of nowhere and messed with my life. Made me feel things again, made me care again and then he's gone. And I'm left with feelings I kept buried down inside. I didn't want to be this girl, I never asked to be her again.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard my name being called by a familiar voice. I looked around the schools parking lot and found Lauren coming over. The past few days I always got text and calls from her, she has to be the one good thing that came out of this mess. I had my best friend back, someone who actually cares now anyways. She didn't before but I don't blame her.

"Mer! Hey wanna hangout till the bell rings? You can hangout with me and Ian, Matt, and Brian." She suggested.

I thought about it but remembered they were also waiting for Shawn. I looked over at where the guys were standing then back at Lauren.

"Uh no thanks, I'm going to go by all my classes and get my missing work. But maybe tomorrow or something?" I asked.

She has a small frown, "Yeah okay, I'll see you at lunch then?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

I then walked away and headed inside the school. People stared, they always did, but their stares weren't glares or smirks. They were pity stares, everyone knew Shawn and I were friends or possibly more. They knew I never grew attached to any guy so they knew something was up between us. And they all must've heard he lost his memory, so now I have their pity.