Lovin' You Again

Flashback

~Months ago~ 

I got home from that day. I greeted Jeremy and Olaf and Pascal. Today marks a month when Avi had left us. We were still in the process of trying to find a new member. Something ached inside of me though and I don't know what it was. We interviewed a man named Matt today for the new bass and he was good. The group likes him and is thinking of having him join us for a Christmas tour. I should be thrilled but I'm not for some reason, I don't know why. Jeremy notices my mood and tries to cheer me up but I tell him I just want to be left alone for a little bit. He understands and he leaves to go get us dinner. 

We uploaded a video for "Away in a Manger" today, the video was doing well but so many comments were about Avi. 

'Where's Avi???'

'I miss Avi :(('

'It's empty without Avi' 

'Where's the bearded guy?' 

I gulped as I read through the comments. Every single one...Avi Avi Avi. There were only a few comments that were supportive. It warmed my heart to read them but I still wasn't okay and I don't know why. The video was beautiful, a forest filled with furniture and lights...but even I'll admit, something felt off. 

I sighed and tried to push my laptop away before a notifcation popped up. 

"Avriel & The Sequoias uploaded a video: QUARTER PAST FOUR- AVRIEL & THE SEQUOIAS" 

I gulp and look at the notification. Glad to see he's still pursuing music. I hesitantly push my laptop away and watch TV. 

Ugh. Game of Thrones. 

Avi.

We were the only ones in the band to love that show. It was the one thing that bonded us. Sometimes Avi and I would be the first ones at the studio. It would be awkward but we would chat about Game of Thrones. It would be the only time that I could be normal with him, it was refreshing. Sometimes we would get into such a debacle about it we would even continue it throughout PTX practice. He would be so ecstatic about it. I'd hear his deep voice directed at me for the first time in forever. We would talk about it on a personal level and sue me for saying I enjoyed it. Other than that we would never talk. And now, for Game of Thrones to be on now...at this time, it feels different. I hear Jeremy come back with dinner but I don't dare to move. It's tugging at me.  

I sigh and slide my laptop to come back my way. I eagerly go into YouTube and press Avi's notification for his new video. 

Light. I see light as a gentle guitar melody plays. 

'Quarter past four and I'm feeling alright'

A familiar figure is revealed to be seen sitting on a couch surrounded by many different kinds of furniture and 6 lightbulbs.

6. 

Scott

Mitch

Kevin

Me

Avi

Ben 

'And I can't keep them all away, but it turns out fine' 

One by one the lightbulbs go out, leaving a single light bulb on.

Avi. 

'Never really thought I'd get to see this day, where my heart is in the future and my body rides the wave' 

A couch, with the style similar to the couch in our Away in a Manger video appears in an open field, with Avi sitting on it. He continues to sing his song on the couch, until his figure disappears. He walks throughout the forest and stops before an object. A single lightbulb is revealed.

His lightbulb. 

He walks towards it.

The video ends to my surprise. Also to my surprise, I feel a tear drop from my face and a thickness in the back of my throat. A second tear falls. I can't hold it back anymore, I weep silently so that my dogs nor Jeremy can sense it.  I've been off ever since Avi left but his video...it did it for me. I hear Jeremy knock on my door to tell me dinner is ready and I tell him I'll be out in a little while. He asks if I'm okay and naturally I tell him I am so he'll go away. I stare at the laptop containing Avi's music video for a minute. Without thinking, I open a new tab to my email. Tears are now staining my face and my bed sheets, but I fail to care as I quickly type an email out. 

to: avrielbkap@gmail.com

from: kirstintmal@gmail.com 

Your video is beautiful. 

Send. 

I blink, thinking about what I just did. I smile calmly, wipe any tears that may still be present and close my laptop. I go eat dinner. 

Dinner was mostly silent, Jeremy kept asking if I was okay and I repeatedly told him I was. I know he didn't believe me but I really didn't care. My mind can't stop thinking about Avi's video and I don't know why. I quicken my eating pace and tell Jeremy I'm going to go back in the bedroom for a little while. I lie and tell him it was a long day at work and I want to take a nap. Luckily he believes me and I hurry to the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I crawl onto my bed, and pick up my laptop. 

Maybe reading twitter comments will cheer me up. So many nice comments, I love my fans. They're so sweet. Suddenly, I get an email notification. I gulp and my heart skips a beat. What the hell?? Why am I reacting like this?? 

from: avrielbkap@gmail.com

Thank you Dirst. :) 

That nickname. A smile picks at my lips and my heart pace quickens. I close my laptop and decide it would be a good idea to take a nap. 

Maybe Avi leaving did affect me a tiny bit. 

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AHHH I'm so mad I didn't think to do a chapter like this JUST NOW!!! This would've been so good as an earlier chapter!! Oh well, better late than never I suppose.

ALSO! So PTX released tour dates...they're coming near me and I'm most likely going to see them with my friend. I should be more excited than I am. I guess I'd be more excited if Avi was still there I guess? Most likely they're going to do older songs as well and I guess that's the part that is troubling me. I know it's stupid but I'm just not gonna be excited to see Matt do Avi's parts to old songs you know? I don't know.

As long as they don't do Light in the Hallway or Standing By I'll be happy. Standing By IS Avi's song and akjhfjahfljh IDK I'LL SHUT UP. 

I welcome Matt with open arms, I just need to get used to it. I just love Avi so much XD On the other hand, Avi's doing a concert on Friday and I am SO tuning to see that! You guys should too ;P 

OK RANT OVER AJAHFAHEK  LOVE YOU GUYS SEE YOU SOON! XOXO