My Accidental Husband, Not Father

31 | Unable to believe

Nowa's POV

I left Ghaith there and walked to the mansion knowing that everyone inside will be at the dinner table. I walked faster than usual and went straight to the room as tears ran down my cheeks.

A few more minutes of crying and I hear a knock at the door. I sniff and wipe my face with the back of my hands since there was no tissues in the room. He knocks again.

I knew it was him. I knew his knocks.

"Nowa? Nowa, are you okay ?" He asks. He doesn't sound as angry as every time he wants to talk to me but sound more genuine and more concerned.

The sincerity of the question made my breath hitch slightly. It had been so long since I felt like anyone cared for me or what my answer would be. But I found that as much as I wanted to tell him that I was, as much as I wanted to tell him that I wasn't, the question was no longer about me. It wasn't about the girl who survived that horrible night, the girl who was hit by a car, the girl who had felt alone, the girl who had been afraid.

It was about the girl who had to fight it all and conquered it.

I don't say anything and bite my lip. I hug the pillow even tighter.

He whispers, "Nowa, I'm sorry for what I said but that is the truth. I should have told you from the beginning. I'm just a fucking asshole."

I don't move and close my eyes as I hear the door open. Of course he has a key. It's his room. I don't dare look up. I feel him sit next to me.

He smells nice like always.

"Here," he whispers. I open my eyes and notice he was holding a pack of tissues. He's offering it to me and I took it and tossed it away.

"STOP IT!! Just stop it Ghaith." I start shouting from the bottom of my lungs. "Give me my divorce and let me leave, I am leaving with or without it," I break down into tears again as I stood up and went toward the door and he suddenly got up and went to stop me.

I found it hard to move as he stood in-front of me repeating the same words, "You are just so angry to think straight repeat after me, A'oothu billaahi minash-Shaytaanir-rajeem. (I seek refuge in Allah from Satan the outcast.)"

I was about to smack his head with my fist if he wasn't holding them so tight in his hands, I looked up into his eyes and said. "How could I if Satan was standing in-front of me"

"just say those words, Please" He repeated.

I repeated the words more than once as I broke down completely and buried my face in his body as he let go of my hands. It takes him a moment to react, but then he hugs me back. "I'm sorry, Gh-Ghaith! I am sorry for being born, I am sorry for death of your best friend, puh-please forgive me!" I sobbed.

apologizing for something I didn't commit but then again, I didn't know what to do, I was feeling a mix of emotions and being angry with him when he was being at least a dissent human being with me was Ghaith's thing not mine.

"I am confused Ghaith," I tell him with tears still running down my cheek as his hands which were wrapped around me,unfold.

"Nowa," he finally says, so softly I'm not even sure I heard him. He swallows before he continues. "Are you okay?"

"Nowa, look at me. Your mother is a horrible person but you sure aren't. Just Breathe."

Breathe, indeed. I gasp in a gulp of air and it burns in my throat. Is he being honest? I meet his gaze and what I see literally stuns me. He looks hurt. He sits back on the bed and he is tense, but it's not because he is angry.

"Nowa, I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on in that head of yours... but I know one thing. There is nothing to apologize for. You hear me? Nothing.  Yes life is horrible and your biological mother is too. We both know that. But don't give her that kind of power over you! By telling her who you are,." He was almost snarling at me, and I got confused – as well as annoyed – by his speech.

"You don't want me to tell her because your afraid that I would be on her side," I replied with the anger I held inside of me. "By telling her, you will regret even marrying me and that is what I want"

He looks at me almost shocked. "Then go tell her," He said coolly.

"Okay." I said as I faced the other way toward the door and held the door handle trying to hear any word that would stop me from doing this.

"You can't, can you ?" He asked. "You are a smart girl.." He follow it up with that.

"Now I really wish that it is halal in Islam to kill people because you will be the first on my list" I whisper as I gather the courage to open he door and then he asks suddenly as if he sensed that I was going to open the door.

"Don't you always ask why I married you ?" He asks.

After a minute or so I answered with a nod.

"What was the reason ?" I ask as I wanted to know.

"Because Inaan, Yaamin ,Meera's mother is still alive and she is held captive in there" He tells me as my shaking hand that reached to the handle dropped.

"Nowa, you know the feeling of growing up without your mother beside you ?"

I look at him and blink to clear the teary haze in my eyes.

"You wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy ?" He stated it as if it was a question that I knew where it had to go.

I nodded.

"Then please don't let those three grow up without a mother just like you and help them get their mother back." He stated.

I want to believe in him but he still hadn't given me one reason to do so. I wipe away an errand tear as I realize that I really do want to believe him. Maybe I should take this chance. Maybe I should not think that this is his way to coax me into a feeling of safety and then plan to catch me off guard. Maybe, this time he is being honest.

"Ok!" Ariella said happily, before hanging up. Olivia hang up as well, feeling nervous, but also really excited. She'd be able to apologize for acting so harsh earlier, and get to explain to her why she did what she did. Olivia sat back down on her couch, and continued to read the website about Ariella, hoping that maybe, this was the universe giving her a second chance.