Stronger than the Rest

Chapter 10 | Bailing

"Be so good they can't ignore you." - Steve Martin

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Callbacks start in fifteen minutes and I have absolutely no motivation to actually go. It's not even that I don't want to face Landon for the next couple months, but I just don't know if theatre is something I want to do without Leo.

Part of me realizes I shouldn't give up a big part of me because I'm afraid to be alone, but my heart isn't going to be in this. Obviously, I'm not ready to jump back into the theatre world. I try to rationalize and tell myself I can audition for Winter Show.

Winter Show isn't the competition though, dumbass. 

"Ugh," I throw my empty water bottle across the quad and plant my face into my hands.

"That's just littering now, Rose." I feel someone sit down next to me in the grass and the crushing of my water bottle behind their hands. 

I stay silent for a few minutes until they speak up again. It's Derek.

"I can ask you what's wrong, with the good possibility you won't even tell me, or I can just sit here in silence with you while you figure it out for yourself." I turn my side to lay the side of my face on my knees as I look up at Derek. He doesn't look mad at me and I can tell he's fine with either option I choose.

I run both hands through my hair, "I just don't know if I even want to do the musical."

"Why not? You have a killer voice." 

I sigh, "I just, can't. I have no motivation for it. And it doesn't feel right to do it anymore."

Derek stares at me with his liquid brown eyes as he replies, "I'm assuming reasons that relate to you going back to Georgia."

I grimaced a little, but I don't look away or reply.

Derek gives me a small smile, "I'm not going to force you to tell me and I'm not going to give you an ultimatum like my dumbass best friend. I'll still be here for you even if I don't know what's wrong with you."

That made my heart feel a thousand times better, "I'm assuming Landon told you what I said to him?"

Derek chuckled lightly, "Not in so many words, but I've spent almost every day. with him for the last two years so I figured it out on my own. I'm pretty smart you know." He winks at him as he taps his temple.

"Look, Rose, if you're not comfortable doing the competition. Don't. Don't be afraid not to be okay. If you're not ready by now, that's okay. No one is going to hate you for bailing."

I gave him a are you stupid look?

Derek laughed, "Okay fine, Landon'll hate you. But you already have a few people who worry about you."

"Are you one of those people?" Derek's eye blazes a little. He puts his arm around my shoulders

"Of course, you're pretty badass. I think I'll keep you around." I lean into his shoulder and let my head rest against him. "Thanks, Derek, you're one of the only ones that don't pry."

Derek murmurs, "I don't understand how some people don't understand you can't just force people to do what you want."

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Gabby, Darian, Caitie and everyone else looked at me shocked after I got my words out.

"Guys, I'm sorry I wasted everyone's time, but I'm not going to continue with the audition process."

Gabby was the first one to speak, "You're not serious, right? We've known you for a little over a week, you're fucking talented and you're not going to do it?"

I shifted my feet and looked up at Derek, who just gave me an understanding smile.

I looked back at my theatre friends, "I'm sorry, but I just can't handle it right now."

Gabby looked at me for a few seconds and then replied, "I don't want to jeopardize your happiness and if doing this musical is going to just burden you, I understand. I mean I don't, I don't know what you're going through, but I'll try to understand." Caitie and Darian nod at me, too, offering their acceptance as well.

I gave a small awkward smile, "Thanks, guys, I'm sorry. Maybe I can help with the set when the time comes."

Gabby smiles, "That'll be great since I'm not going to be backstage for this one this time."

I turn to walk away with Derek, "Thanks for being here with me while I told them. I was hoping you'd stop Gabs if she tried to fight me."

He laughed a little, "Just consider me the theatre bodyguard."

Derek pushes the door open for me, I start to walk through before someone is yelling at us.

"Hey, where are you guys going? Callbacks are about to start." A little spark of fear fills my belly as I realize it's Landon.

Fuck, I have to tell him, too. I realized. My face is tinged up in metaphorical pain as I turn to face Landon. He looks between Derek and I and sets his face into a grimace.

I look up at Derek for support, but he's just staring back at Landon. Great, I'm on my own for this one. 

I look up to Landon who is staring straight into my eyes, "Landon.."

Understanding hits him like a brick and boy, does he look pissed off.

He lets out a humorless laugh, "Seriously, Rosalie? Do you make a habit of bailing?"

It felt like he slapped me in the face, "I'm sorry, but I really just can't do this now. I'll help backstage though."

Landon scoffs, "I guess I shouldn't even bother asking why you're bailing. You obviously don't trust me." He's staring at Derek towards the end of his sentence. Derek lifts his hands up, "Look, man, I don't know anything, but I'm just trying to be supportive."

Landon narrows his eyes, "I guess I'm just being the moody one."

I start again, "Landon, I'm sorry."

He doesn't say anything but just walks away. Anger floods through me,  "I don't owe you anything, Landon." He stops down the aisle and looks back up at me with a pain filled expression in his eyes, "No, you don't, Rosalie."

A dreadful feeling fills me as he walks away.

He's never called me Rosalie before.

I grab Derek's hand and push through the door, "Come do something with me."

"Yes ma'am."

- end of chapter ten -

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This chapter is about 1000 words, it's kinda short for me, but there was nothing else I wanted to include in this chapter! Chapter 11 should be out by the end of this day, as well.

My writer's block is officially over :)

-jlc