My Great Sin (Heronstairs AU)

Day 2

Dear Journal,

Today my parents made me go to the movie theater so Cecy could go see The Fault in Our Stars. I thought it would suck and be a cliche love story, but I may or may not have cried a little.

I see everyone in relationships and everyone is happy, especially in movies. Life doesn't have a happy ending. Well, TFIOS didn't have a happy ending. But still.

I feel like this all just relates back to my thing for Jem. It's hard being gay. I have to hide it from everyone. Jem always bugs me about having a crush on someone. I lie and say I don't.

Today I scratched myself, too. I try to restrain myself from cutting. I've been doing really good, too. I want to but I never have. So I scratch myself with my own nails, or anything sharp enough to leave a scratch and not cut through the skin. It leaves a sense of relief for me. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

I'm never going to show someone this journal until I die. If Jem is still alive when I die, I'll give it to him. He deserves to see what I'm hiding from him. My crush, my depression, my self harm...

A new girl came to our school. She was pretty, but she didn't interest me whatsoever, obviously. Her name is Theresa Gray, but she told all the teachers to call her Tessa. Jem seemed to like her. He even told me that he thinks she's pretty. It kind of hurt. But I shouldn't get my hopes up. Jem is obviously straight, so I don't know why I get jealous all the time. It's stupid.

I should probably go now. I'm in math class, and the teacher keeps looking over at me. Bye.

Sincerely,

Will.