//eleven - afraid to mix//

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Lane's POV

It's been a week of tour, and tonight is the final UK show before we all go back to the states. When Brendon posted that video, people exploded. For some reason, they liked my voice. When I had the courage to read comments, they all said that it was as if I was born into Tyler's family and not adopted. It stung a bit, but that's just my stupid sensitivity. At least no one seemed to hate it. That's all I could really ask for. I rolled from my bunk and onto the rough carpeted floor of the bus with a small yelp. "Again Lane?" Tyler asked, laughing a bit before helping me up.

"I'm a very uncoordinated person, Ty. We've been other this." He shook his head, even his eyes smiling, and brought me out into the living room where Josh sat watching something on the small screen. I sat on Josh's lap and joined them immediately.

"So, Lane." I looked up at Tyler and nodded for him to continue. "Do you, uh, want to sing something tonight? Like a cover of a song you really like or something?" I saw him bounce on the balls of his feet and his lip tucked under his teeth. He seemed nervous, like I'd break any second at the question. I thought for a minute. People could be cruel in person too, but he really seemed like he'd want me to do this.

"Sure, Ty. Why not?" I smiled lightly. I was honestly terrified, but Tyler didn't notice. He just smiled and hugged me from Josh's lap. After he walked away, I looked down at my hands and tried to catch my breath. Josh turned my head over. "You sure you can handle the cover? Tyler won't care either way." I nodded and smiled. He looked skeptical but dropped it. We drove while engrossed in the movie for another hour or so before feeling the abrupt parking. "Let's just get this over with," I whispered as I stood and grabbed clothes to change into and things to get ready for the show.

------

twenty one pilots was after Panic!'s performance tonight and I stood backstage, pacing around and whispering to myself. We could just say, the nerves were not going well. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders and turn me around. "Kid, slow down. It's going to be fine." Pete's face was barely legible in the dark backstage area, but I knew the voice anywhere. I shook my head and tried to walk from his grasp. His hands stayed strong on my shoulders. "Lane, I promise. Everyone will love you. I swear to God, okay?" I nodded and hugged him tightly before walking back towards the dressing rooms. I examined myself carefully in the mirror.

I wore black leggings with criss-cross details on the bottom a short sleeved crop top. The stage was hot and I doubt anyone would even be able to notice scars from the ground level. Soon enough, Tyler was announcing my name to the sold out venue and my body was shaking like leaves in late Autumn. I grabbed an acoustic guitar from the racks on stage and sat on the stool set up for me. Everyone on tour started teaching me guitar, and though I still sucked, I knew a few songs really well. "This song is Palette by Grayscale." Everyone seemed confused by the choice, but it didn't matter. This was my song to sing right now.

It's not so hard to forget
When your mind's as wicked as it is
I was sucked in, I believed you then
As much as I hate to admit
I could feel it seeping out of your wicked, olive skin
I'm still listening to our Menzingers record
Except song five off of it

I hope he misses you
And listens just like I do
You know it's no good for you
You know he's no good for you
And I'm trying to let this go
You're shaking and it shows
You know it's no good for you
You know he's no good for you

And darling, tell me where did your heart go?
Cause I sure as hell don't know, know where your head's at anymore
Do you know what it feels like?
Being stuck between two colors on a palette you're not happy with

You're afraid to mix, so you keep them apart

I belted out the rest of the song, seeing a few phone lights scattered across the audience. When I finished, the place was erupting with cheers. I stood up from the stool, placed the guitar back, and walked to the microphone to speak then bring Ty and Josh back. "Thank you so much. This tour has been amazing and I honestly don't deserve to be here. I'd be in a very different situation right now if Tyler hadn't saved me one night, and I couldn't be happier. Thank you again." Everyone cheered once more, but then it hit me that I said Tyler saved me. Everyone had assumed I was in a home or something. I heard questions be screamed and a ruckus of noise. Did they think I was just lying all along? "And now, back to twenty one pilots!" I ran from the stage and directly into Tyler's open arms.

"God, I'm so stupid. They all are going to think I'm lying or something. And they could see the scars. And, god, they hate me. I can't do this, I-" Tyler's hand clasped against my mouth and I looked up at him sheepishly.

"No one will hate you, nothing went wrong. You are fine. You will be fine." I nodded and hugged Ty one more time before he pushed me into Brendon and walked back out.

"I messed up, B." He shook his head and led me to the hallways.

"No one will even remember, okay? And what's the big deal if they find out?" I scoffed and looked up to him. "Big deal? I'm living every single fan girl's dream Bren! I'm just a selfish, stupid kid who got fed up with life and sat on a bridge just to be saved by her idol. Any other person out there deserves this life. That's the big deal. It wasn't supposed to be me. I'm supposed to be dead!" My voice echoed almost violently through the halls and when I looked around, I saw the shocked face of every band member there except Tyler and Josh. They all knew the gist of the story, but not all of it. Not the details at least. Pete tried to step forward, but I walked back. Dall tried, and I continued backward. Brendon was the final straw before I booked it from the rooms, through backstage, and out into the lobby.

God, what am I going to do?

a/n: i know it's been a long time and i'm sorry. things have fallen apart in my life and writing the draft story i have with no pressures of reads or anything was all i could handle. the comments from GiannaWritesStuff was the only reason i really decided to try to continue this. this character is essentially me without the same parents. her identity is mine and i want this story to work out. sorry for being gone so long but i hope you'll have me back. please listen to grayscale. they're quality.

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