Fall Off The Grid (adopted by twenty one pilots)

//eighteen - lilies where you should be//

Lane's POV

I spent the rest of the night in our small living room, surrounded by Panic!, FOB, and my family. They didn't want me to be alone right now. I don't think they trusted me to not do anything stupid, and I didn't blame them for thinking like that. The next morning, bright and early, we all got back on a plane and flew to continue the tour. I had been with Tyler, Josh, and Jenna for almost two months. I felt guilty because it seemed that they had only gotten to know me when I was at my absolute worst. But somehow, they still loved me. 

I remember hugging Jenna at the entrance to the airport, pulling her tightly into me and burying my face in her shoulder. She reminded me so much of Mom. I didn't want to leave her. When I did let go, I turned to Rory and Alex's parents who decided to come along to say goodbye. I was essentially a second daughter to them, and it made me happy that they wouldn't just leave me behind. "Stay strong, kid" I whispered to Rory as she buried her face into my chest. I felt her nod which made me smile. I hugged his mom and dad, who both kissed my forehead before sending me on my way. Soon enough, we were air born.

This flight was unlike the others I had been on under Tyler's care. This was the first one where I felt like I was actually getting better rather then worse. Brendon and Dallon sat next to me like they always did on planes now, and Brendon's arm snaked around my shoulders as we flew to Philadelphia for the next few tour runs. "B?" I asked tiredly. He hummed in response. "It's possible for anyone to get better right?" 

I saw his face brighten a bit as he turned to me and supped my chin. "Of course it is, darlin'." I grinned lightly before looking back out the window and falling into a nap. Planes made me tired. "We're landing," Dallon said, shaking me. Him and Brendon probably changed half way through the plane. I rubbed my eyes as we walked off the plane and into the terminal. "Taco Bell?" I asked Tyler while yawning. "She's definitely from your family, Joseph" Pete laughed, scooping me up and putting me over his shoulder. Usually I would have fought it, but now, at least I didn't have to walk. We made our way to the fast food place where Josh ordered for me and we all sat in a comfortable, and honestly desired, silence. 

-----

twenty one pilots played in between Panic! and FOB tonight. They ran from the stage and immediately ran up to me and hugged me. I was disgusted but didn't argue. "That was amazing," I giggled as Josh spun me around in the air. "You guys never fail to disappoint a crowd." Tyler grinned a goofy smile and threw his arm around my shoulders as we walked to the dressing rooms. I stopped at the door and kissed both their cheeks as I walked off to watch Fall Out Boy and let them shower. 

I felt completely free as they played that night. The group of us made our way back to the buses and I quickly retreated to my bunk. As I laid down, I looked through my phone. The most recent picture I had posted was one of Alex and I, basically just saying goodbye. The comments were mainly just simple, say they were sorry for the loss or that they hoped everyone affected was okay. It was the comments that said things like "I hope he killed himself just like you will one day." Those hurt. I didn't care what they said about me, but Alex would never have been selfish like I've been tempted to be. He wouldn't have left everyone in a wave of destruction  and grief and chaos if he could have helped it. 

I locked me phone and threw it at the end of my bed, running my fingers roughly through my hair. I hadn't thought about Alex much today, which made me feel guilty as I sat in the dark and curtained bed. Why wasn't I constantly remembering him? He would have been doing that for me. He was always better then me, and it wasn't obvious until I was sitting here. I pulled out the picture on the cards handed out at the service. He was smiling, a real smile. It was a picture I had taken and gave to his mom earlier in the year. She loved that picture, and everyone else did too. "I'm sorry Alex. I should have more for you." It was still crazy to me that he was just a grave now. Of course, I had memories of him to keep alive. But, he was just flowers laid out for sympathy now.

I slipped under the comforter and fell into endless dreams about Alex getting killed over and over again. I only remember one of them though.

I ran into the same alley way I always ran into. This time, it was all pitch black except for a single light hanging from thin air in the end. I walked carefully down the alley and towards the end I made out the face of my father as he pushed Alex against the brick wall. My father turned to me and lifted a knife up from his side. I shook my head and couldn't do anything else. I ran over to them and tried to pull his arm away but it was no use. My dad ran the knife along Alex's body like he was trying to rip the seams of a stuffed animal. "Please stop," I whispered as a new coat of red fell over the wall. Suddenly, my father turned to me and slapped me across the face with the blade. He dug it into my skin and wrote all the things I was to him. 

Whore, disappointment, disgrace, pitiful, useless.

I woke up and fell from my bunk onto the rough carpeting. When I looked down I saw that I had dug the words my father was calling me into my skin with my nails, forming crooked letters and uneven scratches. My fingers were stained red as I examined my arms and legs. Tyler poked his head from the bunk and climbed down to help me clean it all up. It was becoming routine for me to sit on a counter and look away as someone else has to try to fix everything up. 

Tyler's POV

Her dreams were always a concern of mine, especially now that she was physically hurting herself because of them. I pulled Lane from the counter and laid her in bunk as I slid in next to her. "I think you should sleep here for awhile, okay?" I asked cautiously. She nodded and yawned as she put her head into my chest and stared off into space. I ran my fingers through her hair as I saw her eyes go heavy and sleep finally return to her. I didn't last much longer. 

The next morning, I woke up and Lane was gone. She sat carefully on the couch, looking out the window with a picture in her hand. "Morning," I said groggily. She looked over to me and smiled a little before looking back to the glass. "Whatcha doing?" 

"I feel like I should have been there to stop it. If I hadn't wanted to die, tried to leave Alex and get found, maybe I would have been with him when he got attacked. I just feel guilty. And yesterday, I barely thought about him. He deserved so much more then me." My heart sank a little, but I figured she'd feel guilty. She always did for things that made no sense. I sat on the floor in front of her and ran my hand over her knee carefully. "Things happen how they happen for a reason. You wouldn't have made a difference, Lane. You needed to get out of that house, and Alex was so happy you were finally safe. You deserve this more then anyone, and I don't Alex wanted anyone else to be his best friend then you, okay?" Lane nodded before looking over to me and giving me a small smile. "Let's all go get some breakfast, okay?" Again she nodded and before she walked off, she looked at me and said "For once, I want to stop getting worse. I want to show Alex I was able to go to right direction." 

A tear fell down my cheek as I smiled and pulled her into my chest. Things were looking up a bit for all of us. 

a/n: new chapter. i'm not in love with it honestly but hopefully someone likes it. if you have ideas where you want the story to go or people you want introduced please message me or comment them. i'm running out of ideas kind of. ALSO i'm writing an adopted by brendon urie fic and i'm trying to think of titles for it so i can start publishing it soon so comment those too. listen to the wonder years, they're amazing and their new album is actually amazing. stay alive guys, you're worth everything |-/