Fall Off The Grid (adopted by twenty one pilots)

//twenty - idle hands//

Pete's POV

After a couple minutes of running, I stopped and sat down on a bench to catch my breath. I wish I hadn't run, but I couldn't stand the guilt. It was my fault. I shouldn't have relied on alcohol to make me feel something again; I know that doesn't work. I shouldn't have repressed all of my thoughts and feelings until they erupted. But most of all, I shouldn't have run away from the people that just wanted to help me.

I sat there for a little while longer, and as I was about to stand to walk back, bright blue hair caught my eye from the street. Lane walked carefully up to me, sitting on the bench with a few inches of space between us. "You shouldn't have run, and he shouldn't have screamed. But, you're both scared. You're both tired and don't know what to do." I looked at her somewhat shocked. Lane was only 16 but already knew exactly what to say in any given moment. "Listen Lane, I'm sorry," I started. "You're trying so hard and I just gave up and I never meant to. I don't even remember doing it, but I was supposed to be supporting you and I failed." I saw her shake her head from the corner of my eye. 

"You'll never fail me Pete. I don't think it's possible for me to ever be completely disappointed in you. Hell, we're the same person." I smiled at that and put my arm around her shoulders carefully. "Don't take all of my lessons though." She looked over to me and back down. "Pete, you can't beat yourself up. It was a mistake. Everyone lets me make mistakes, why can't you let yourself?" I looked down at my lap smiling a little. "How are you better with words then me?" Lane laughed to herself before looking over at me and smiling. "It's a gift I guess." 

I hugged her tightly into my side and I heard her humming. 

We all know somebody who knows somebody who's doing great,

I know some people who know people who are flying straight.

But, I'll kindly enter into rooms of depression

while ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again.

She hummed for awhile longer as I truly let the lyrics set in. I guess I never analyzed those words until this moment, but God, they were so true. Soon enough, silence fell again. "Okay, this was nice, but you have a bus to get to and a Patrick to fix things with." I instantly became nervous. "I'll stay with you guys, I promise." I nodded and stood up, putting my hand out for Lane to grab as we made our way back to the buses. The walk was short and soon enough, I was staring at Patrick's watery eyes. 

Patrick's POV

I heard voices from the front of the bus and I knew Lane had found Pete and they talked. They both walked in the back and Lane sat off to the side of the room. Pete looked from me to the ground and back again. "I'm sorry," we both blurted out, chuckling at how we both said it at the same time. "Listen Pete, I shouldn't have yelled or done it with someone else there, but I just couldn't hold back. I was really scared seeing you like that after so long since the last time you were really bad. It just terrified me." I said carefully, looking at the ground. Pete's scratchy voice from crying brought my eyes back up. "I know, and I'm so sorry you had to see that. I shouldn't have tried to drink my emotions away, and I should have talked to someone. But I think I just got tired of having to constantly be in touch with my feelings. Lane being here helped me not pay attention to them and I guess they just got out of control." I looked over to her and she was fiddling with her bracelets. She looked like she wanted to get up and leave, but also wanted to be there. 

"I understand. I'll always be here for you, and I'm so happy you're okay." We both smiled at each other and hugged each other tightly. With that we both looked to Lane who was still staring at her wrist. "Lane? What's wrong?"

Lane's POV

"Lane being here helped me not pay attention to them..." His words kept echoing through my head. It was all my fault wasn't it? I twisted the strings to the bracelets my mom and Alex always got for me. I wore them mainly to cover old memories, but having them on also just made me feel safer. Patrick's voice snapped me from staring. 'God, what did you fuck up now?' "Lane? What's wrong?" I fought the tears lining my eyes and I sniffled and looked up to both of them. Seeing Pete's face just made the loop of his words become louder. "Nothing. I'm happy you guys made up. I gotta go, Tyler's probably wondering where I am." I stood up and quickly walked from the room. I barely made it out of the buses before I leaned against the metal and cried. I made him relapse. If I wasn't so messed up, he could have reached out for help. 'He'll be just like Alex. You'll use him just to make yourself better.' The thoughts were coming full force. I tugged harder at the bracelets, noticing that the made a stinging sensation against my skin when I pulled them the right way. I continued doing that over and over again but got nothing out of it. The rational side of me knew I was being ridiculous and that I wasn't the cause of this, but rational thought is not my specialty. 

I ran across the lot, finding a corner where no one could see anything and started throwing my hands against the brick wall. I only got a few punches in before I started feeling my knees buckling under me and my sobs growing louder, but I kept punching. As I hit the ground and I saw the blood from my knuckles across the brick, I immediately thought to the dream about my dad killing Alex. 'You're no better then your dad.' I shook me head and kept crying. I threw a few more punches before standing up, wiping my eyes, and making my way to the bus where I cleaned my hands and laid in my bunk. 'All you ever do is mess up,' 

"I know," I whispered into the blackness of the bed. "I know..."

a/n: new chapter. one year today, justin. i'm so sorry. stay safe and stay alive guys. you matter |-/